Amore, Felicità e Pace

...

2012-02-18T10:55:00.001+03:00

When did life get so complicated

Unexpected pain II

2011-06-17T01:48:00.001+03:00

Her day was slow, unlike the usual. I believe it was the pain. Denial was her only tool to survive those long agnostic hours. Even though She tried ignoring what was there, it was unbelievably hard. I do not blame her, who would be able to ignore being blind when you are able to sense it. I know her too well, she was known for putting a brave face even if her voice started to shake or fade, its her pride, she hates it when people see her weak or even in her weakest moments. Whenever she was about to cry, she would fight every tear back to its place and she would hold them till she is in her room. She cries quietly, dries up her tears, takes a couple of deep breaths and moves on. It might sound crazy or it might sound sad, but I dare to call that brave. It is a tendency of how people try to keep the pain to themselves and not worry their loved ones. I believe some will disagree, but all of us are entitled to opinions.

She sat in her favorite seat like every morning, staring outside wounding whether the sky is covered with clouds or dust. It is funny how the sky is almost always white, yes WHITE! Its blinding. This time she tried to focus harder and look outside the glass wall, but the result was the same, blindness. Her cheeks felt wet all of a sudden, she felt tears pour down them. She wiped them off, took a sip of her morning coffee and went up to her room, locked the door, took a deep breath and cried quietly. It is painful I am sure, I sympathize with her I really do. She had faith in god but she did not have faith in her body. You see this was not the first time such a thing happened. For a while she suffered form muscle weakness and then numbness. She was sick and she knew it.

She recalled all those tests and all those needles. Her skin was bruised, like a drug addict. She covered her arms hoping that no one would notice them and see how they looked like. Yet every time someone asked about her arms and why they are bruised so badly she would joke about it and tell them she would share her needles to the highest bidder. They did not know that those bruises where because of the blood tests and IV's that she was hooked too. she recalled the weeks she spent in the hospital where they did all sorts of tests on her, it was like a longer version of a House episode. The image of her being helpless and in need for help broke her heart. She needed a person to help her get dressed, cut food for her into pieces! She used to choke on every sip of water and every bite of food. She cried everytime. Yet again she joked about those tears she shed. She kept acknowledging that tears and chocolate are the best therapy a person could ever get. I believe that too, coming from a person who bottles up and builds walls. I fancy the way she thinks and the way she tries to find humor in her pain. A Greek play! When humor comes with pain, a smile comes with tears, joy comes with sorrow and it goes on. Opposites attract, physics makes sense now, who would believe that.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device from STC

2011-06-15T21:50:00.001+03:00

Trying mobile posting
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device from STC

2011-04-24T10:46:00.002+03:00

- I've been teaching at Arab Open University for about 3 months now and I started to love my job until the part where I saw the amount of papers I have to correct! I have about 50 students and 43 attended the exam.

- Ok that first part was drafted... Now I've corrected the papers and I've seen that I'm a good lecturer though I have good and horrifyingly awful students. I mean linguistics is hard, just give it some effort and you will be ok.

- Yes I'm teaching my least favorite course, ironic! I'm majoring in literature and I used to complain about linguistics and how I used to struggle with it. The universe is a bitch I must say.

- I'm in love with Adele's new album. I guess my fav or her album is Rolling in the deep.

- I've been addicted to the Mentalist, you should give it a shot!

Unexpected Pain I

2011-04-04T13:28:00.005+03:00

           She went to bed like she does every night after watching a movie or a couple of episodes till she feels sleep ticking her eyelids. She went to bed not knowing that the next day will not be the same. She got used to her routine, you see, the same things every single day with no excitement of whatsoever. She did not know that the next morning will be a beginning of pain and tears. She has been suffering form a constant headache that won't go even if she took some pills to relieve the pain or even her usual cup of coffee, non of that worked. She is a light sleeper and she constantly woke up during the night, that is why she is always tired and sleepy during the day. She went to bed like every single night praying to god that she will have a good night sleep and would wake up with no headache.


          Like every night for the past two weeks, her sleep was uneasy, she woke up almost every hour. She checks the time and goes back to sleep, yet when it was the usual time for her to wake up, she did. She noticed something was different, besides the killer headache which she thought was due to her allergies and sinus. She woke up unable to see with her left eye, she was almost blind. Fear sank into her heart, she tried to breathe and convince herself that everything will be ok, it will wear off. She moved from bed with a heavy heart with thoughts rushing into head, they were all horrible! She washed up then went downstairs to the kitchen feeling blind, unable to see the steps that she has been walking for many years. Emotionally she was unstable with all those crazy hormones and the fact she could not see made her feel very depressed that she was not in the mood to make herself a morning treat. You know, sometimes she wakes up and feels like making french toast or pancakes, but that day was different. She brewed the coffee and had one slice of toast with nothing on top, just plain. I believe she felt uneasy about her situation, the busy mind has affected her appetite. Who would dare to eat with worries! It seems it is a habit of mankind, when depressed or feeling down, one either approaches food with a huge appetite to suppress those ugly feeling or the human loses it all together. It is hard to understand us as beings, we are quite unpredictable.

Just saying

2011-03-27T23:32:00.003+03:00

Something I learned in my 25 years is that whenever you have a dream do not ever hesitate and go for it. Life is too short, you don't know if you will wake up the next day healthy or sick and for sure you do not know if you will wake up or not. So don't wait for such a day to come, just go for it. Life is just too short to spend it on worrying and thinking!

With determination I can do it!

2011-01-07T11:59:00.003+03:00

This phase is a crucial one and I'm not supposed to waste any time, yet here I am writing a post instead of working on my Literature review.

I think this is about it :P I'm gonna leave my energy for reading, thinking and typing (you mean waste time and then start panicking then stay up late trying to finish as much as possible) :|

Due dates are on the 12th of Jan and 17th of Jan

Final exams are on the 17th, 19th and the 22nd of Jan

yeah I know I'm under lots of pressure and unfortunately I lose the ability to cry and I lost my stress ball :| allahum 9abrik ya roo7

2

2010-10-31T18:02:00.004+03:00

I had a meeting with Marcia today to discuss my topics and my claims. However, what I didn't know is that I'll get discouraged by her comments. I usually listen and try working harder to have a better result, yet this time it got to me *sigh* damn hormones .

*deeeeep breath* I better start on my position paper :|

To do list for this week:

* 2 Position papers (Victorian, Greek drama)

* Presentation (Victorian)

* summarize a 100 pages (Greek drama, Victorian)

* find a couple of claims and email them to Marcia.

* I should start reading for my other theoretical presentation.

* Find time for my friends *lump in throat* I miss them... mochness its not the same without you in our gatherings

I know I wont be able to do all of the above but I'll try my best.

ohh and I know what your thinking 'what a dull person'

What Could Have Been

2010-10-29T13:38:00.003+03:00

I never ask myself and I never dwell on the 'What could have been' bcoz it will be like being sucked into a black-whole of endless thoughts.

Random thought.

1

2010-10-27T20:48:00.003+03:00

Seems I'll have to sacrifice my social life in order to keep up with the loads of work, how sad is that!

I guess I'll just number my whines and see how much I whine during this term, I'll make it my experiment.

silent screams

2010-10-18T18:12:00.004+03:00

I don't have a clue why I was whining and bitching about being at home and having nothing to do! that was really stupid

Yesterday was my first class and he told us "I was forced to teach you so you will do all the work and please try making the course interesting" yep those are the typical professors of KSU... His demands were

- Summaries 500 pages, read 50 pages each week and submit papers hand written (the dude should be retired by now)

- A presentation Almost every 2-3 weeks (so by the end of the term I would have done 4-5 presentations for this course)

- 4 position papers, a 1000 words each.

- and a final exam.

Trust me that is A LOT of work!

The comes Marcia, and she went crazy this term and she demanded this

Course 1:

- 350 page of summaries (they were 600 but we bargained)

- 3 position papers, a 1000 words each (they were 4 but again we bargained)

- 3-4 presentations each

- If you are not presenting or its not your turn to present then you have to find some marital on the topics that are being presented

- A final exam

Note: the topics are theoretical... for example we will be reading more on Derrida's work on deconstruction and Kant's work on pure reason.... etc

course 2:

up till now I have to find 2 topics and 14 sources 2 should be a dissertation. Basically these two topics will lead to either my real proposal or my mock proposal.

so thats very stressful and I cant handle stress :S

I have one last course that has no one assigned to teach it yet so I'm hoping who ever teaches it wont be an ass and add more work cause seriously I suck when it comes to time management

feeling productive

2010-10-12T23:35:00.006+03:00

So lately I've been cooking and backing more than I usually do, the reason is I have nothing else to do! since everyone goes out and I'm home so I decided to experiment with cooking stuff. Trust me some are turn out as a disaster and some are addictive. Yesterday I made 'Basile and goat's cheese cornbread' and it was (allah y3iz aln3ma) awful. The day before I made Iranian chicken and it was yummy and today I made triple chocolate cake and it was amazing. Pity I didn't find the recipes online, but I guess cooking shows and cooking books work sometimes.

Ok I just got an email from Marcia saying that her husband will be teaching us Victorian poetry on Sunday from 7:30-10! god i cant stand another class with him and his pervy comments and stories. Plus WTF 7:30! I have to leave home 6:30 so I'd be at uni around 7-7:15 *sigh*

enough of that... Lately i've been feeling inspired so I have been shooting more and submitting more artwork on deviantart :D feel free to check out my recent works!

Pedophilism halal

2010-10-10T10:40:00.003+03:00

I read these articles and had the same reaction as most of the people who are in their right mind. a 10 year old girl married to a guy who is fit to be her father, a 13 year old girl wed to a 55 year old man, and a 12 year old girl married to an 80 year old man who is fit to be her grandfather!. You have no idea how it breaks my heart to read such stories yet other perverts find it okay and that it is halal. I'm not a religious expert but what I know is that things changed from the time of the prophet peace be upon him. Men did not look at little girls as sex objects and did not lust after them, however, today a man who feels this sick attraction to a girl that is fit to be his own daughter or grandchild is just simply a pedophile. I'm sorry but this is what I think and what I believe, I do not see anyother reason for a man to marry a baby.

In one of the articles the girl tells her grandfather that she actually wants to marry the man! I think she is brain washed. its either her parents or the media. If it were the parents then something like this was said "he will give you toys, candy...etc" (seriously I don't know what kids like :S) yet the truth is it is for their own benefit because they are in need for the money or the father is in huge debt to the man that he gives away his kid instead of working his ass off to pay off the money (is it ok to say they are mentally retarded?). However, if it were the media then the idea of prince charming, the white puffy dress and the happily ever after crap has brain washed the kids poor mind. you know when i was ten I never had the idea of getting married and having kids at all. I had many interests than having to think of the happily ever after thing. Why cant kids love video games, color and find a good hobby instead of thinking beyond their age.

I remember a couple of weeks ago at my cousins melka a little girl was wearing a tiara, a fluffy dress and had glitter on her face. I thought to myself 'she looks like a fairy god mother' and i shared my thoughts with some of my cousins and sisters. Some told me I was mean and others told me that she is full of innocence. I don't know what was the girl thinking but this might reflect on her thoughts (aka fairy tale crap).

I do not blame kids because they do not know what they are facing, I think that whatever damage that this crazy marriage has caused them will start showing when they mature.

Chatter insert number coz I lost count

2010-09-28T10:50:00.013+03:00

Warning another very random post!

- This term I'm taking 11 hours I think. yes you heard me right I said I think cause apparently they don't know if they will open the streams or not and whether they would choose only one and force it on us. God knows how stupid this university is!

- I remember I used to fix my sleep easily but now its impossible :S I can wake up early but when it comes to sleep I really suffer.

- I've heard a lot about bridezillas but never believed they existed till last month! seriously that attitude of her was and still is unbearable and the sucky thing is i'm filtering my thoughts though usually i don't. I want to put a sock in her mouth and tell her to suck it up and stop being such a bit*h about everything.

- Got a new cam and an amazing lens.

- I've been experimenting with photography and hopefully soon I'd be really good at what I do.

- I'm considering applying for jobs again.

- I keep asking myself this question over and over again 'why do women like/love clown like make-up?'

- My favorite shows are airing finally!

- I like buying cooking books, some recipes turn out quite amazing.

- My room is a huge mess.

- I think I'm high on coffee right now

- I'm trying my best to stay awake till its 10 then hit the sack. Last night i was awake in bed for 2 damn hours! it took me forever to sleep though i was dead tired.

- I went to uni today again to find out that we do not have a schedule! seriously?! its been two weeks and they don't have a plan B :S its not that i'm eager to study and work, HELL NO, I just like to know how things are. I hate this so called grey aria where things are just not clear. I'm more of 'its either black or white'.

- sometimes I joke about stuff like "ohh wouldn't it be amazing if i made weed flavored cupcakes!" but somehow ppl take me seriously and judge :| wtf am I supposed to filter every thought! i don't want that, I just want to be me.

- Its true I might be uptight but that only happenes when I try to push away someone or just when I'm afraid of getting hurt.

- I have developed this habit of watching 'make-me-cry-eternal-love-fake-fantasy-never-gonna-happen-crap movies' when I PMS :S ppl eat chocolate like crazy, I watch Romance though I'm not so huge on them.

- I've recently found out that I get teary everytime I watch Greys Anatomy :S seriously they get to me.

- I cried my eyes out and sobbed while watching the Greys Anatomy season 6 finale LITERALLY.

- Did I mention I'm having coffee right now. I just hope i don't have a nervous breakdown.

- obviously you will notice the difference between my (should i call them point?) anyways, the first part was drafted the other was after my high dosage of caffeine.

- ok i'm trembling now :S

I think this is about it

Bold if true

2010-09-08T22:51:00.003+03:00

I saw this in a couple of blogs and since I have drafted posts that I have to read later to remember what they were about I'll post this instead

Bold IF TRUE:

I am a cuddler.

I am a morning person.

I am an only child.

I am currently in my pajamas.

I am currently pregnant.

I am currently single.

I am currently suffering from a broken heart.

I am left handed.

I am married.

I am addicted to my myspace.

I am online 24/7, even as an away message.

I am a little shy around the opposite gender at first.

I bite my nails.

I can be paranoid at times.

I don’t like anyone.

I enjoy country music.

I enjoy jazz music.

I enjoy smoothies.

I enjoy talking on the phone.

I have a car.

I have a cell phone.

I have/had a hard time paying attention at school.

I have a hidden talent (I think)

I have a lot to learn

I have/had a pet.

I have a tendency to fall for the “wrong” guy/girl

I have all my grandparents

I have at least one brother

I have been to another country

I have been told that I am smart

I have been told that I have an unusual sense of humor

I have OR HAD broken a bone

I have Caller I.D. on my phone.

I have changed a diaper

I have changed a lot over the past year. (to the better I hope)

I have done something illegal. (In school :P)

I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color

I have had major/minor surgery.

I have killed another person

I have had my hair cut within the last week.

I have mood swings (sometimes)

I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life

I have rejected someone before.

I have seen The Lord of the Rings trilogy. <3

I have seen the television show The O.C.

I like Shakespeare. (But not much since reading him is sometimes annoying)

I like the taste of blood.

I love to cook.

I like to sing.

I love Michael Jackson

I love sleeping.(though I have a problem with that)

I love to play computer games.

I love to shop.

I miss someone right now.

I own 100 CDs or more

I own and use a library card

I read books for pleasure in my spare time.

I sleep a lot during the day.

I strongly dislike math

I watch soap operas on a regular basis. (my precious epsz <3>

I will try almost anything once.

I work at a job that I enjoy.

I would classify myself as ghetto.

I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.

I am currently wearing socks.

I am tired.

I love to paint/draw/sketch/sculpt.

I have had/have a broken heart

Graduated High School.

Smoked cigarettes.

Rode every ride at an amusement park.

Collected something really stupid.

Gone to a rock concert.

Helped someone.

Gone fishing.

Watched four movies in one night.

Gone long periods of time without sleep.

Lied to someone.

Been dumped.

Failed a class. (and fought for my right and ended up being looked at as the bad person)

Taken a college level course.

Been in a car accident.

Been in a tornado.

Watched someone die.

Been to a funeral.

Burned yourself. (accidentally)

Ran a marathon.

Your parents got divorced.

Cried yourself to sleep.

Spent over $200 in one day.

Flown on a plane.

Cheated on someone.

Been cheated on.

Written a 10 page letter.

Gone skiing.

Been sailing.

Cut yourself.

Had a best friend.

Lost someone you loved.

Shoplifted something.

Been to jail.

Had detention.

Skipped school.

Got in trouble for something you didn’t do.

Stolen books from the library.

Gone to a different country.

Dropped out of school.

Been in a mental hospital.

Watched the “Harry Potter” movies.

Had an online diary.

Fired a gun.

Gambled in a casino.

Had a yard sale.

Been in a school play.

Been fired from a job.

Taken a lie detector test.

Swam with dolphins.

Gone to sea world.

Attempted suicide.

Voted for Pop Idol.

Written poetry.

Female Loophole

2010-07-21T16:51:00.000+03:00

Its sad and sickening how society has the same stream of thought, not all to be fair but the majority to be frank, it makes my stomach sick how they tend to think and not evolve their thought. The same conversations and gossip tends to take place whenever a group of women sit together "you know (insert a name) she's getting married" "you know (insert a name) got divorced" "(insert a name) aren't you engaged?" "how old are you?" "When are you having kids?" " I heard (insert a name) is sterile" etcetera etcetera. My god how I want to shut them up and tell them that life never revolves around such matters. Yes we all or at least most of us want to get married at some point and have kids but we do not want to be looked at as beings of trade or what so ever. Yes it is true that the majority of women love to gossip, but sometimes they are insensitive.
Personally I get sympathy looks though I'm still 24 years old. But the fact that I'm still studying and chose it over having a job is beyond their understanding. However, in my head I know I did what is right no matter what such people think and I never cared for society's judgment of me as long as I am happy.

A couple of weeks ago I attended a high-school friends wedding. I remember how we were 15 and all she talked about was getting married and this continued till we were 24! Imagine I listened to her saying "tara bn9eer 3awanis itha ma a3rasna" ("we will end up spinsters") imagine I had to listen to that for many years! And on her wedding night she was smiling like crazy as if she hit the jackpot. I'm happy for her, I am and I wish her a happy long lasting marriage.

P.S. I wrote this post in a memo on my mobile while trying to get myself to sleep and having the voices of those women who were gossiping in our living room.

You can always find me here:

2010-07-20T19:50:00.002+03:00

Diviantart The place where I feel happy
Twitter The place where i whine and share stuff
Formspring The place where I get weird and crazy questions. P.S. ignore all those weird questions plz

Change

2010-07-18T14:43:00.001+03:00

I started with a new template and hopefully very soon I will post something new.

update?

2010-05-07T15:38:00.002+03:00

- I'm starting to hate all kinds of meat :S i just cant stand the smell (temporary)

- How depressing is it when a professor tells his students at the end of the class "you might all get an F on your position paper"!

- I want to understand the fact that every time I start reading for his course i fall asleep.

- Do you call a person an asshole when he says "ohhhhh what a sad story, i wont buy it". He gave us extra work all of a sudden and when we told him its too much and we actually don't have time to sleep he said that! and added "I bet you sleep 8-10 hours, why don't you sacrifice them". sacrifice them my ass, I sometimes sleep from 3-5 hours.

- I'm writing a post instead of writing my second position paper.

- I love rain and i truly miss it, but Riyadh drowning is something unacceptable.

- Been addicted to apple cake for a while and i guess my family are hating the day i found out about the recipe.

- I'm addicted to Banana bread now, but I always have to wait for the bananas to be ripe.

- I have to start thinking for a major topic for my thesis. I'm thinking of taking an orientalist approach or a feminist one.

- I cant wait for the summer vacation.

- I need a summer job.

- I need to get back on my feet and be a photographer. I just hate the fact that I'm not as active as I used to be.

- Post-rock is AH-MAZING <3>

Title: blank

2010-03-27T13:46:00.003+03:00

I will admit this 'I'm not benefiting anything this term!'. I go attend classes and what do I get?! either insults from my professors, doing presentation, handing in papers and listening to my classmates present their own presentation. Honestly, am I supposed to benefit from all of this? The sad thing is when I ask my professor a question he/she will tell me to search for the answer *sigh* can this get any worse.

I feel like I'm lost between the piles of work I have to do. I'm really tired from pushing myself to work harder and I'm even afraid of pushing myself beyond my limit. I do not want to lose who I am and I don't want to regret forgetting about my own life.

ohhh and this is the only space where i don't get to worry about how the body of my essay looks like or how it is, or is it coherent or not and other writing related stuff!

bits and pieces

2010-02-20T15:53:00.003+03:00

Well its been ages so i thought i would update you on my life!

- our long weekend ended and i kinda didn't enjoy it much! but looking at the bright side i got to sleep more.

- one of my photos was featured at the O exhibition :D (yep that was sooooo exciting) it was on sale and one lady reserved it for a week and changed her mind after the exhibition ended (not so great!)

I will post more pics later inshallah in another post :D

- I keep telling myself that I'm strong and I can make it yet the tide is too strong and keeps hitting me in the face. I try to be strong and I act like it and i will be strong no matter what.

- You know the feeling when you do something and you are so proud of it but you get criticism or whatever and it just crushes you! I HATE THAT!

- apparently this is not an update on my life but another chit chatty post (if thats what its called)

The Show Must Go On

2009-12-30T11:03:00.003+03:00

God I'm going nuts here! I wish I'd have a little bit of time for myself, i seriously cant stand this. The thing is, i keep asking myself "WHY AM I NOT A QUITTER???" and it drives me crazy cause i whine and whine and whine about the pressure I'm under. You know what honestly bugs me! is that some of my friends don't understand that I'm really busy and i have no time... the last time i went out was on Eid and then last Thursday, IMAGINE!!! and for some reason my work is endless. *deep sigh* and the show must go on!

Gay Colors

2009-08-17T16:48:00.000+03:00

I’ve learned that life is great no matter how dull it gets, it’s still amazing. One experience, only one, will change your perspective and how you perceive things. Things will look different and full of gay colors.

I went through two tough weeks and endless crying, I had faith but I was scared of the unknown. I have complained about how colorless my summer was and the lack of action it has, and then I realized it wasn’t as grey as I though it was, it was heaven.

p.s. thank you to all my friends… thank you for being beside me, without you guys I would have been depressed. I love every single one of you.

p.s.s. thank you for everyone who called, smsd, facebooked, love you all.

We Are Three!

2009-08-03T00:34:00.002+03:00

Happy Birthday to my blog today it's three years old!

(yeah I know I should update more)

Dusty place

2009-06-08T17:11:00.002+03:00

I have deserted this place though it was the place where I put all my rage, my tears and my happy moments! I know I have said that I will be back and unfortunately I did not keep my word, shame on me. But I am not to be blamed for I have a good reason. I have a life that lacks sleep besides having a lot of work that needs lots time and energy. Sometimes I think what ‘did I get myself into’. I don’t regret my decision and I don’t think that I will regret it. But next time when I decide to make a huge step like this I WLL think a million times before I do so.

Ok that’s it for now <<< as if you said something!

yeah I'm still alive =D

Chatter 11

2009-04-18T14:04:00.000+03:00

- I managed to reduce the amount of coffee I drink. Now I only drink coffee three times a week which is a miracle. I went through headaches, it was my drug <3 the decaffeinating (I think the word is wrong coz I’m kind of sure there is no ‘T’) process is rather tough.

- Around a month ago I had to take an espresso shot and regretted it, my heart started pounding and my hands started shaking, that really scared me. My body got used to not having something that strong. Being the idiot that I am I took a shot :S and now no more strong stuff, I’ll just stick to cappuccino, black coffee or mocha.

- I can’t figure out our weather, in the morning I have to wear something to keep me warm and when it’s around 10 am its typical SA.

- In the vacation I’m planning to redecorate my room. I’ll be using wallpaper rather than pain it and I need to buy myself a sofa.

- I’m planning to bake more since I love to do so. I’m willing to try new stuff.

- I’ll do more photography since it has been a while. I miss holding the camera and taking a bunch of pictures and trying out new ways of editing them.

- I know I wont be doing much of the above because of my lame professors :S they have already given us assignment that are due the first week after the vacation.

- The End by Roadrunner United has been on repeat for an hour now :P I love the song <3

- I miss my friends like hell especially susu… y5ty its been ages!

- I’m typing this post now because I’m currently running away from a position paper that is due tomorrow *deeeeeeeeep sigh*

- I think this is about it!

I’m not going to reread this post so please ignore every mistake you stumble upon.

I’m back and this time for real

2009-03-29T22:21:00.001+03:00

I think this is the only place where I can whine and whine and whine about freaking KSU and about my idiot professors. I need a place where I can take all my rage and not be judged, and my dear blog is the only place where I can do this. Today many incidents happened to me and I should get them all out of my system.

The first one was around 7:30 am my friend called and asked if I wanted coffee suddenly a lady walks to me and asks me “are songs 7aram?” she was referring to my ring tone. I looked at her blankly for a moment and told her “ppl are free to do whatever they want” she insisted on me changing the ring tone or putting my mobile silent :S I do not see anything wrong with na9ee7a (religious advice) but what I think is wrong is that you insist and try to force a person into dong something that they are not even convinced about. I told her thank you (jzak allah 5air) but that was not enough for her.

The other thing was in last 15 minutes Milton’s class Dr. Kutriah asked us to do free writing in 5 min, we are supposed to write 300 words in that short period of time. I was able to score 200 which is good but others were stumbling they did not reach 200 :S he was frustrated and he put his hand on his forehead shaped like an ‘L’ and asked “do you know what this means?”. We all knew that meant ‘Loser’ then he said that we are losers and that our level is worse than undergraduates. WTF I got frustrated, it is an insult. What kind of professor would say such a thing to his students? It is clear that he does not deserve to be a professor.

I don’t feel like typing anymore coz I’m not in the mood but I’ll try to update the post when I feel like it. BTW I did not read the post so ignore all the mistakes whatever they are…

An Update

2009-03-26T13:41:00.004+03:00

Hey I know I have not been updating much lately and I'm sorry about that.

Here are some of my latest works :D

It starts again

2009-02-28T22:21:00.003+03:00

UGH! yes the term has started and this girl will start complaining again... Run away whileyou can :P Marcia will be giving me a course this term :S damn she is following me everywhere :S

I Need Colors

2009-02-17T18:48:00.003+03:00

Yeah I need colors in my life, everything is turning black and white and I'm hating it.

I HATE

2009-02-11T01:00:00.005+03:00

I read Frogman's post and I really loved the idea so I plagiarized it :P dude sorry there are no copyrights here :P

- Marcia

- I hate people who don’t shower and they know they smell.

- I hate people pressing the elevator button a million times thinking it would come down or up faster.

- I hate butt kissers “oh professor you know a lot so please share your knowledge with us please enlighten our minds” UHG!

- I hate fake plastic girls.

- I hate Marcia.

- I hate knowing the fact that I want to help but I can’t.

- I hate showoff people “I have this, I did this, I made this, I…..I …..I” GET A LIFE.

- I hate Arabic shows they make me sick, they are so shallow.

- I hate hypocrites.

- I HATE HER.

Why is it so hard to come up with things I hate??? The world isn't pink for God's sake...

I'M BACK

2009-02-08T13:40:00.006+03:00

So it has been almost 2 months since my last post, and truly I have missed you all. I hope I can post more often coz I really missed this place <3

I would like to thank Mochness for helping me out with choosing the layout and thanks for the profile pic <3 face="verdana">
I still have to figure out where my navbar went :S

______________________________

Edited:

I have changed the layout once again with Mocha's help <3>

P.S. My profile pic is my sweet little baby <3

50 facts about me

2008-12-12T15:12:00.000+03:00

I was tagged by Farah, I have to write 50 things about me (first impression “how am I going to come up with 50 things about myself”)

Here we go…

1- I was born on a Monday morning.

2- I love winter and autumn I think they are charming seasons :heart:.

3- I love Indian food.

4- I have one brother and two sisters.

5- I have a passion for shoes and earrings :heart:.

6- I trust people easily, but I’ve learned my lesson.

7- I love backing <3.

8- I’m the eldest child in my family.

9- I’m a coffee addict. I actually have headaches when I don’t have a cup a day.

10- I don’t give the best first impression, people think I’m either spoiled or arrogant.

11- I’m a very honest person. This honesty has gotten me into trouble.

12- I forgive people easily but there is a limit, strike three and you are out.

13- I cry at weddings.

14- I only cry in front of people I trust.

15- I’m right handed.

16- Spiders and bees scare the hell out of me.

17- I don’t eat tomatoes although I’m fine with ketchup.

18- I’m allergic to trees (yes very wired but to a certain type of trees).

19- I’m a giving person.

20- My favorite color is dark purple :heart:.

21- I love lilies and tulips.

22- I wish I had a wardrobe like Blairs :heart: (Blair from Gossip Girl).

23- Poetry is my passion although I find it hard to choose which era I love the most (I hate Chaucer).

24- I love macro photography :heart:.

25- I love simple make up.

26- I love my name and I will never change it. I know some people miss pronounce it but I don’t care.

27- I’ve been bloging for more than 2 years.

28- I’m a graduate student.

29- I worked for a whole year and cried most of it and at the end I QUIT.

30- Luxuries of life are: shoes, bags, money, technology, earrings, chocolate and sleep :heart:.

31- I love cats and I don’t like dogs.

32- I fell in love with pumpkin pie ice-cream and they no longer have it.

33- I love coffee mugs :heart:(inspired by Farah) my mom thinks I’m crazy for having so many.

34- I’m not afraid of mice.

35- I want my honeymoon to be somewhere magical (I don’t know where yet but when I’m engaged I think I should discuss it with him :P any suggestions???).

36- I love my friends and family although I lack showing that.

37- I have the ability of reading the Arabic and English text up side down.

38- I don’t open up to people easily.

39- I’m a brunette.

40- I was born in the states (Bloomington- Indiana).

41- I love Scotland I wish I could live there again.

42- I love reading.

43- I have a memory span of a goldfish.

44- I’m a very emotional person.

45- I want my first dance to be on ‘So close by Jon McLaughlin’.

46- People know how I feel through my face it is their way to my feelings (inspired by Farah).

47- J.R.R Tolkien amuses me.

48- I’m a spontaneous person.

49- Most important things I carry in my handbag: keys, wallet, lip gloss, perfume, anti-bacteria, hand wipes, band aids and my mobile.

50- Last but not least I love blueberry cupcakes especially the ones they sell at starbucks.

Wow I’m done I suffered to get 50 things about myself but I enjoyed it :D :heart:

I tag who ever wants to do it :D

Happy Eid Everyone

2008-12-08T10:42:00.002+03:00

Kol 3am w into b5air

Have Fun!

P.S. I miss you guys and I'm sorry for not being around :'( I LOVE YOU all *hugs* :****

Happy 23rd Birthday to ME

2008-11-24T17:24:00.003+03:00

But...

2008-11-15T10:04:00.003+03:00

November is my month and I haven’t posted a thing :’(

* I loved the pic :D Now I'll go to panicking mode again

BUSY

2008-10-27T19:09:00.003+03:00

Everyone who knows me (in person or online) knows that I’m busy. I’ve known Dr. Marcia before, so I’m not surprised of what she has given us (I’m sorry I’m boring you with this. But wallah I cant complain to my parents because I know what they will say. I can hear my dad lecturing me “having a job is better for you” and my mom saying “illy yb’3a al d7 ma y8ool e7” or something like that, so as you can see I’ve only got my blog to complain). Anyways here is my “presentation, term paper schedule”:

Wed 29th of Oct: Two term papers, online research.

Sun 2nd of Nov: A presentation about the Arab influence on Chaucer.

Mon 3rd of Nov: Two term papers, Library research + drawing a floor plan for both KSU libraries and a Presentation “the craft of research”.

Mon 17th of Nov : A presentation “MLA”

I also have to memorize 42 lines from Chaucer’s prologue, its in middle English (ha! I have a gold fish memory).

She said she will send us an e-mail tonight with a new assignment (I’m not done yet *sobs*)

So as you can see I’m busy this term and there is no time for me to complain or even scratch my own head. No more social life for me, no more shopping, no more TV shows, no more movies…etc

P.S. Guys I’ll try my best to comment on your posts as much as I can coz I know I haven’t done you any justice lately. Love you all *hugs* and I really miss you guys.

* I fell in love with that image, thats me these days :'(

Happy Anniversary

2008-10-13T18:55:00.002+03:00

In remembrance the past comes alive
In honor and celebration of the silver twenty five
A love story to have and to hold
As memories compile and the years unfold
How we dream of it now and then
The special place that we have been
Where two lives first become entwined
Of the journey of the body, soul and mind
That time long ago when our love was new
When all my thoughts became of you
It is in remembering that I recall
How lucky we are to have it all…

Happy anniversary mom and dad may Allah bless you and may you live a long life among us :hugs and kisses:

With all my love,
Your daughter.

Chatter 10

2008-10-11T19:14:00.000+03:00

- Its been about two weeks now since my last post but I have an excuse :P we moved to our new house.

- I finally have my own room (no more roomies :P) but I miss the ‘before sleep gossip’ and how we talk ourselves to sleep.

- No DSL yet *sob* *sob* *sob*.

- School started and I don’t feel like I’m ready yet :P my vacation was five months and I don’t know how to get over the fact that the term has started.

- The Radial vein hurts like hell. You know that I lost the use of my arm for 2 weeks due to a medical error. Long story short, about five months ago I was food poisoned and I went to the Saudi German Hospital emergency, my blood sugar dropped so the gave me 100 something (cc I think) through the vein directly. That caused clotting and mini strokes in the vain itself.

- My friend J was in the intensive care for a month and a half and her parents kept is a secret. When her mother thought she was dying she called us and asked us to visit her in the hospital, al7amdellah that she is better now. Again a medical error is the cause of her being in the hospital for 2 months now.

- How many times do I have to remind myself that KSU is the worst university known to man.

HAPPY EID

2008-09-29T23:26:00.002+03:00

This is my fifth Eid with you guys *smiles*

Enjoy your Eid everyone and don’t eat too many sweets because its enough that we gained weight in Ramadan :P

Current Addiction

2008-09-28T17:02:00.001+03:00

I was tagged by Swarwar to list five of my current addictions.

1- Barbican ♥:
Weird as it sound but I LOVE barbican. When ever I’m out I buy one instead of a bottle of water. When ever my dad or brother is out I ask them to buy me a bottle. In fact I’m drinking one right now *Heart*.

2- Coffee:
My ultimate addiction, I suffer severe headaches until I drink it. I cant live without it, you know that after f6oor I make myself a huge mug of coffee so I could live in peace.

3- Deviant art:
I love this website its amazing.

4- My camera:
I cant leave the house without it. I love to capture rare moments. I hope this addiction lasts forever *prays that she becomes a well known photographer).

5- Pizza:
I eat it daily and trust me you should not eat it daily because YOU GAIN WEIGHT.

Now the tag rules state that I should mention the name of the person who started this tag, Brazen, and the one who tagged me, Swarwar ♥, type the post with the heading "Current addictions", and finally tag five people. I'am passing this on to you all.

Chatter 9

2008-09-20T21:15:00.001+03:00

-I’ve been dying for a proper internet connection since forever. I’m really hating this moving thing. Boxes here and there, stuff in this house and other things in the other, it’s really bugging me. We can’t move yet because the curtains are not done yet.

- is it me or is it because of this vacation Ramadan doesn’t feel the same?

- One of my pictures was featured in a journal and in the news of deviant art. She said that my picture along with others need to get more attention on deviant art here and here.

- I’m using mobile connect and it is costing me a fortune. Believe it or not but I have consumed my entire limit (1000 Riyals).

- Someone broke into our house (the current one) and stole some stuff, my incase of emergency mobile was one of them. seems like he was in a hurry because he didn’t take anything from the living room (Tv, DVD player, receiver….etc).

-I’m having headaches, I cant quit coffee.

-I miss you guys wallah and I miss your blogs.

Chaos is in town

2008-09-09T15:42:00.000+03:00

I know I haven’t done you bloggers any justice lately and I’m terribly sorry for that. There are so many blogs to read and I honestly don’t have time to be online at all. When I’m online, I’m there for less than 15 min. we don’t have an internet connection (How sad is that). I’m also occupied with many stuff. We don’t have a maid so I have to work in the house, we are moving to another house so that includes packing and buying stuff. The house is a total mess there are boxes everywhere and I’m just tiered.

Speaking of packing, I’ve volunteered to clean the storage room and I wish I hadn’t. now before I tell you my story of continues screaming I should tell you something, I’ve made a promise to myself that before my 23rd birthday I’ll overcome my fears (well not all of them just the ones that include more than two legs and more than two eyes). I managed to come in terms with Beatles (BTW mocha I find ladybirds cute now :P) and I’ll post a picture I took of a Beatle. Back to my story, I was taking boxes out of the room and throwing other things that we don’t need anymore and I found a book on the floor that was supposed to be in one of the boxes. I lift the book and all of a sudden I see a spider so huge with really long legs, I throw the book and I started screaming scream *eeeeeeeeeeek*. My mom came and thought something bad has happened to me (poor mom) she asked me what was wrong. My eyes were full with tears because I blocked my exit (How stupid is that) and I actually throw the book toward the door (very claver huh?!). All I was saying “get me out of here I don’t want to clean this place”. My mom moved some of the boxes and I went to take a shower.

There is another story with double screaming (my sister and I were also cleaning) but no need to tell the story but I’ll tell you how we made our younger sister to get rid of them (they were two spiders):P we gave her the vacuum cleaner and she sucked them with it :P yeah that’s what happens when you don’t have a maid and your mom is out.

You know I think I’m the weirdest girl on earth. I’m not afraid of mice and rats they never did scare me.

PS. You must visit this.

Ramadan Kareem

2008-09-01T01:23:00.000+03:00

Kol sana w into 6aybeen

كل سنه وانتم طيبين الشهر عليكم مبارك

Choice

2008-08-29T15:18:00.000+03:00

Yesterday I was at my grandmothers house (My moms mother) and my cousin asked me this:

A: Laly lets assume that you got a job offer with a 10000 SR salary, are going to take the job or are you going to continue studying?

Me: Am I supposed to answer that right away?

A: yes.

Me: sorry I can’t decide.

A: don’t be so stupid you choose the job.

Me: look I know that when you have a job you are independent and you secure your future but I really worked so hard to get in the master program. It was the only thing that I thought about until I got into the program. That’s why I can’t choose.

She didn’t like what I said and my uncle had to say something and one of my aunts had to say something. God I just wish they would understand how hard it is to make a choice.

I'm Back

2008-08-26T20:29:00.000+03:00

Well my vacation was ok since I had to spend it going out with my cousin and going to weddings. I was complaining all the time telling my father that’s how we ended going to Jeddah and not France (thank you little sister for making us stay here this summer).

PS. I missed each and everyone of you *hugs*

On vacation

2008-08-14T19:19:00.000+03:00

Hey guys,

I’m leaving Riyadh on Friday to Jeddah to attend a wedding and spend the rest of the vacation there I guess.

I’ll miss you all *hugs*

2 tags :D

2008-08-11T20:31:00.004+03:00

The first tag is from Jouja

-go to Wikipedia
-search for your birthday date
-there is an "edit" next to the birth
-write the exact codes they wrote and write what you wanna write about your self
-use the print screen option and then post it on ur blog

The secound tag is the music tag from Atoona and Glamour

The Rules Are :

1. Put Your iTunes/ music player on Shuffle

2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER WHAT!!! After you've answered all of the questions, tag 5 other people and then let them know they've been tagged to do them themselves :)

1.IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Bring me to life- Evanescence

2.WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Fly by- Blue

3.WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL ?
What are we waiting for- Duncan James (loooool)

4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Unfaithful (remix)- Rihhana

5.WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
cat and mouse- The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

6.WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Too close- Blue

7. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
White Night True Light - Shunichi Miyamoto (Japanese song) ♥

8.WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Someday- Nickelback

10.WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Bliss- Hinder

9.WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
I need you- Leean Rimes (aww guys I love you so much)

11.WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Leave out all the rest- Linkin Park.

12.WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
My wish- Rascal Flats (OMG I’m that desperate :p)

13.WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Golden Touch- Razorlight.

14. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
My Hump- Black eyed peas (loooool)

15.WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Save this moment for me- Duncan James

16.WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Just my imagination- Cranberries

17. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Diary of Jane (Acoustic)- Breaking benjamin

18.WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
The first cut is the deepest- Sheryl Crow

19. WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS?
Over my head- The fray

20. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOURSELF?
innocence- Avril lavign

I tag :
loolita
Swarwar
K.D
Mayoosh
3alyia

Help needed

2008-08-10T01:48:00.003+03:00

My parents anniversary is in two months and I still don’t know what to get them. I want it to be something special.

I’ve only got one suggestion and I need more.

Tagged

2008-08-04T20:30:00.002+03:00

I was tagged by the queen of pink :D

ID
Name: Ala2
My friends call me: Laly, Allo, lulu, alloolah.
My Nickname(s): Same as above plus lalyita (do I consider gloomy and gloomynita?)
Major: English Literature.
Job Title: Student (yes I got accepted and now I’ll be back as a MA student. I wanted to tell you guys but never got the chance)

FAVES
Boys name: Ryan, Rakan and Sultan
Girls name: Talah and Joud
Fruit: peaches and Strawberries.
Veggie: Cucumbers.
Fast food place: Subway and McDonalds.
Favorite cartoon character: Temon and spongbob.
Ice Cream: Pumpkin pie and Love potion ♥

HAVE YOU EVER?!
Bungee jumped: No
Used someone: No and will never.
Had bloody nose: Oh Yeah it stopped when I was five.
Played truth or dare: Yes :D
Put your tongue on a frozen pole: Nope
Been in a physical fight: Yes
Knocked on wood: Yes
Broken a bone: No thank god.

LAST TIME
Laughed and why? Today, my sister told me her bag made a fart sound when it rubbed against the glass and the Pilipino at Jareer thought she did it LOL.
Cried and why? I almost cried after a fight but I had to act all strong.
Hugged someone and whom? Today, my mother.
Received a call and from whom? an hour ago from my friend Areej she wanted to know if I’m going to tomorrows wedding.
Used a pen and what did wrote? Last night to write a list.
Lied and whats the truth? Last week when I was at a wedding the brides sister asked me if I’m enjoying the wedding and what I thought. I had to say yes and that the wedding was great (bel3adah ma ajamel but I had to coz you cant be rude to your host, can you?)
Received a message and from whom? 5 hours ago from my cousin.
Took a shower: half an hour ago.
Put make-up on: yesterday.
Ride a bike: I cant remember.
Broken the law: I cant remember.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO YOU?
Your family: the people I love the most, nothing in this world could describe what they mean to me.
Your home: the place where I’m free to do what ever I like when ever I like.
Your friends: they are the people that come after my family. They are the people I turn to (I love you guys)
Yourself: the best thing that ever happened :D ♥
Your birthday: the day I came to this world and look forward every year.
Your bedroom: My kingdom.
Your mobile: cant live without it.
Your PC/laptop: my baby
Blogging: A place where i can be.
Money: ♥ cant live without it.

RIGHT NOW
Eating: cookies.
Thinking: about what to buy my parents for their anniversary.
Smelling: my hair (this conditioner is great)
Watching: Nothing.
Listening to: Diary of Jane- Breaking Benjamin.
Feeling: tired, I’ve got the flu.
Wearing: PJs
Waiting for: my brother to call me back.
Hating: my flu, the internet connection and the fact they cut the electricity on the whole block for 3 hours.
Missing: my friends.
Loving: nothing
Worried about: nothing
Planning: On fixing my sleep
Annoyed with: with this headache and the fever.

MENTION TWO THINGS THAT
Make you happy: Family and friends.
That you're obsessed with: Shoes and weight
Make you sad: not having what I want and fights.
You hate: Tomatoes and annoying people
You're doing: doing the tag and playing with my hair.
You like to eat: sandwiches (without tomatoes) and deserts.
Smell Bad: Public bathrooms (which I never use) and some people in summer (they seem not to shower)
About you: Shy around people and a good listener.
That you did today: Slept until 7 pm and took a shower.
That you're good at: Baking and I think Photography.
That hurt: being left out and having people using me.

RANDOM
Tell us something your "3ax el nas" about: I can read up side down and I only brush my hair when I’m using the hair dryer.
Can you play any instruments? No :’(
List four things that you are less than 3 meters away from: my ipod, my mobile, my book shelf and my laptop :P
Have you ever been told you look like someone, if yes, who? OH yes, Maha told me that I look like a celebrity but she cant remember her name. my cousin thinks that I look like this Egyptian or was it Syrian actress and trust me we don’t look alike.
Are you enjoying this tag? I’m fine with it.
What bad habits do you have? I play with my hair a lot, when I’m tired I sleep with my make up (when I say make up I mean lipstick, eyeliner and mascara) I postpone things a lot lately.
If you could have one day being the opposite gender, what would you do ? enjoy the day as a man :P lol I was thinking about something mara stupid and rethought it.
Worst thing that has happened to you this year: had the most horrible boss ever and then she wanted me to marry her son. Huh like that is ever going to happen.
What's your current Habba Song? Dying to live again- HedleyAny
last words? I love you all and I miss so much. I’m sorry that I’m not around much but you can blame the connection for it.

I tag: 3aliya, Sawsan, jouja, K.D and who ever wants to do it.

Two Years

2008-08-03T00:03:00.000+03:00

2 years

My blog is two years today ^_^

Happy Birthday dear blog.

I see the light

2008-07-30T17:57:00.002+03:00

Tell me what you think.

Weird food habits

2008-07-26T23:29:00.000+03:00

My sister thinks I have weird food habits and she asked me to list at least five of them so here we go:

1- People eat peanut butter and jam I eat peanut and cheese.
2- I like tea with whipped cream.
3- I eat any corn flecks with out milk. For instance I’d fill the bowl with cherios and eat it.
4- I sometimes eat green apples with yogurt.
5- I eat cream cheese with fried eggs.
6- I sometimes boil cream caramel and drink it.
7- I dip the dates in my Arabic coffee cup (dates are very sweet).
8- I can’t think of anything else.

Now I’d like to pass this to Fa6ma, K.D, Swarwar, Eshda3wa and 3aliya.

Chatter 7

2008-07-22T04:15:00.000+03:00

- I’ve finished reading “be careful what you wish for” by Alexandra Potter last week. I couldn’t finish “Diplomatic Baggage” by Brigid Keenan, I stopped at page 100.

- I’ve started reading “The Gatecrasher” by Madeleine Wickham, she is also known by Sophie Kinsella the author of the Shopaholic series.

- I’ve bought a new camera, Canon PowerShot S5 IS.

- I need to trim my hair.

- I wanted to leave my eyebrows ugly till the 28th of July. Every time I look at the mirror I have this urge to fix them I wanted to wait until the day of our neighbors daughter wedding but I couldn’t. it wont harm fixing them now and before the wedding.

- (N) called she wanted to know why I haven’t called her in the past 3 weeks and I was honest with her. She said she had no idea how I felt and she is sorry. But things will not be the same no matter what.

- I’m officially addicted to House. Thank god there aren’t many blood scenes. BTW season 5 has started ^_^

- We had planes to go abroad this summer but my dad has to work, my bro took summer classes and my sister is applying to college. But we will go on the upcoming vacation.

- I’ve discovered two more types of ants crawling in our house. So we’ve got red ants, little black ones and big black ants. I don’t know where are they coming from but we will be moving soon insha2 Allah so no worries.

- I’m starting to get bored from the internet, its not fun anymore :S

- I HATE horror movies. Yes I’m a scary cat.

- I’ve noticed that I’ve been living on junk food in the past two weeks no wonder I’m dizzy all the time.

- My sleep is so messed up, I’m an owl now.

- I hate Chinese food.

What made you think you'd have it your way?

2008-07-08T19:05:00.001+03:00

I will go to the point no need for an introduction or what so ever. Some people pretend to be your friends and then when they are done with you they just ignore you completely. Why didn’t I see that coming? I’ve been through this a million times. Some people I know tend to hurt me, and I bet they are enjoying it *a very deep sigh*.

She kept on saying “you are my best friend, I’ve never felt so comfortable talking to anyone, it feels like I’ve known you for ages, I will never find anyone like you” and that kind of bullshit. You know that I’ve answered every single phone call because I knew when she calls she is going to talk about her beloved boyfriend and how he pisses her off or when he actually noticed her. I knew that she needed someone to talk to, whether it is about him or her other problems. She had someone to listen to her patently and not complain.

I don’t give advice to people, let me be more honest, I rarely give it because I don’t like to hear that things didn’t go well because they took it. But to her I gave her bitchy advices like “ignore him for a while and trust me if he really loves you he will run back to you apologizing” (trust me it worked). Once she called me crying and was like “I call him and he doesn’t answer, I send him sms’s and he doesn’t reply to them, I send him e-mails and he didn’t answer any of them and when he is online I talk to him and there is no replay”. After a week and a half he called her and he asked her why is she ignoring him “did I do something wrong? Did I hurt you in anyway?” and she told him what she thought and how she felt. But to come to realize it she is a pushy person. I mean no wonder he didn’t answer any of her calls, I bet he needed space and she didn’t give it to him.

Did you just use me to feel better, to help you in your relationship? Why didn’t you turn to your sister? Because she knows. I still remember when I called you and she was in the car with you. She kept on saying that you are pretending to be sick and that’s because (M) snapped at you.

Well I can’t stand you anymore, you are that type that you insist on something and you do it whether we like it or not (which takes us to you being a pushy person). You don’t give people their space, people need to breathe you know. You just forgot I existed because you found someone to turn to? Well I don’t care (some of you might say that writing this post means that I care, well you are all wrong. I’m using my blog to get it all out of my system to feel better).

I remember calling you awhile ago and telling you that you’ve changed and that you are not the (N) I know. But your answer was cold as ice “trust me no one will ever replace you”. This is the first time I realized that you were all lies and what the hell am I doing right now being angry. ENOUGH already!

I wish that you never call again and tell me that you miss me like hell and that I don’t call you “waink ya doba leesh matkalmeen, min jed za3lanah minik wla t7awleen ti3tathreen” God that pisses me off. I’ve had enough! I’m done being hurt all the time because I’m being such a good friend and such a nice person. I’ve always put this invisible wall not to let anyone cross it, but somehow you managed and I feel so sorry for myself. The thought of me believing you just hurts. This time I’m cut really deep and nothing could mend it. I wish I had the courage to tell you to get out of my life. I never had it and might never have it.

The thought of me believing that you cared for me kills me. Oh god I was a HONTONY BAKA (if you don’t know what that means it means I was really stupid). UGH! I could write for ever and not feel better. I bet that I’m boring my readers all because of you.

I’ve said this like a million times, but I just keep on forgetting it. I should write on my forehead “I’m not willing to trust people anymore”. I’ve got great friends and I don’t need anymore. I love them so much and I know they won’t hurt me because they are true friends. I’m trying to be as good to them as they are to me.

I’m really sorry dear readers for making this post unexpectedly long. I needed to get it all out of my system so please be kind and forgive me. God I must have sounded like a teenager or more like a girl that never stops complaining.

The track when I started the post was (By the way- Hinder).
Song of the moment: Broken- Seether ft. Amy lee.

*the title is from the song (by the way- Hinder)

Be HONEST

2008-07-02T15:24:00.002+03:00

Even if the others are not.

Even if the others will not.

Even if the others cannot.

FUN TAG.

2008-06-29T15:12:00.006+03:00

Put your answers to the following questions into the search field on Flickr.com and choose your favourite picture from the first page only and create your own mosaic.

1. What's your name?
2. Your favourite food?
3. Your High School?
4. Your favourite colour?
5. Your celebrity crush?
6. Your favourite drink?
7. Dream Vacation?
8. Favourite dessert?
9. Your dream job?
10. The thing you like best in this world?
11. A word that describes you?
12. Your nickname?

I'll post my answers:

Ala, Pasta, 48 at KSU compound, Dark purple and yellow, Orlando Bloom, Water (it was Barbican but there were awful results), Hawaii, Cheesecake, Lawyer, Family and friends, Honest and Laly.

I tag everyone ^_^

NOTE:

I don't Have a crush on Orlando Bloom but he is cute :D lol there lots of Hotties out there, but you know i don't have a crush on celebrities.

Talk about fashion

2008-06-27T18:31:00.000+03:00

OMG WHAT IS THIS?

Picture of the month

2008-06-18T23:11:00.003+03:00

I baked these ^_^

yeah I know they look great and they are YUMMY.

Self Tag

2008-06-13T17:31:00.001+03:00

I found a tag in a blog and I thought I’ll tag myself since I feel like blogging. The tag is “list the sound tracts of your life”. But what I’ll do I’ll list the songs I’m into at the current time and maybe some songs that remind me of certain people or events.

Black eyed peas
Feel it

Hedley
Old school
Dying to live again

Hinder
Better than me
By the way (sese)
Lips of an angle (when I had no voice for a whole week)
Nothing good about goodbye

Tarkan
In your eyes
Don’t leave me alone (I remember telling mochness that tarkan has a new English song ^_^)

Leann Rimes
But I do love you.
I need you (sese)

Timberland
Apologize (Shatha- mitsu and Sarah O)

Evanescence
Snow-white queen (sese)
Call me when you’re sober (Nourah R)
Sweet sacrifice (sese)
My immortal
Bring me to life (Sarah O)
Missing (emano)
Breathe no more (sese)

Eminem
Mocking bird (mochness)
When I’m gone (sese)

Linkin Park
What I’ve done (sese)
I bleed it out
Figure 09
Somewhere I belong (sese)
Numb
Shadow of the day.
In the end (sese and shatha)
Leave out all the rest (mochness, Sarah O and sese)

Ana Spiderman 2 OST
We are

Daniel Powter
You had a bad day

Rascal Flatts
What hurts the most- (HP, Mochness and Reema)
I feel bad (Reema)

Goo Goo Dolls
Iris (Ahmed)

Carl Wolf
Butterflies- (pinkish, Al-joharah)

Leona Lewis
A moment like this- (Mayoosh) she was listening to the song and I downloaded it.
Better in time.

Nickelback
If everyone cared- (swarwar- when I had no voice for a whole week)
Savin’ me
Far away
Somebody
Photograph

Celine Dion
Eyes on me- (Amani, Abeer and meeting my friends at Hyats house)

Ronan Keating
Somebody else

The Fray
She is
Over my head
How to save a life (mochness, sese and HP)
Looking after you
All at once

Breaking Benjamin
Dairy of Jane

I think this is enough, god I didn’t know that I was into so many songs :S

Job Status:

2008-06-07T20:31:00.000+03:00

UNEMPLOYED

So I’m staying home and I don’t know what the hell I’ll do with my life. These three weeks are going to be the most boring weeks of my life. Everyone is busy with their exams, jobs and so forth.

I’ve decided to lose three kilos, walk an hour a day and finish watching and downloading ghost hound and vampire knight.

That’s it NOTHING to do. Damn this must prove I’m a workaholic or something.

This Is Life

2008-06-05T19:32:00.001+03:00

Sometimes we feel pain, sadness and the gloom surrounds us. We give up, we lose hope, we stop thinking and give in to tears and depression. We don’t realize that life goes on except after a while. After receiving a slap on our faces, we remember there is always light in the end of the road. That there is something better, there is a better chance and that thing was faith.

Never feel sad when the tide hits your sand castle. Always remember that you can go further and build a bigger one. Do not let depression conqure your life. Always remember that there are better chances.

Never think that you have lost a friend, this friend is always there for you. No matter what happens this friend will not forget you. You have faith in this friend, you trust this friend and you believe this friend was like a gleam from the sky. Keep on believing because you might be right.

I do not like seeing tears running down your cheeks. Seeing them made me sad. Please don’t say you’re sorry for crying and for making me worry. Never apologize about a thing that you never did and was not even your fault.

I told you not to raise your hopes up. But you kept on saying that there is something that tells you things will go the way you want.

Please forgive me I know that is post is incoherent and does not make any sense.

Graduation Ceremony

2008-05-26T14:08:00.000+03:00

22nd of May 2008 was our graduation ceremony at Hamad Al-jaser hall. They’ve asked us to arrive at 6:30 pm and I thought since its less that a five minute drive from our house I’ll leave at 6:20 pm but it was so crowded that I arrived at 6:40 pm. To say the truth it was not very well organized. They did not look at the invitation cards nor our mobiles (some people came with digital cameras, I kind of wanted to do that but I thought that they might take it from me).

The event started at 8 something and to say the truth NOT VERY INTERESTING. My feet were killing me (that’s what you get for wearing high heals). Most girls fixed their robs since the robs were originally Abayat ras um finger lol. So I took an old abaya and stuck the unis emblem on it. Some girls over done their make-up (you should have seen them, glitter and stuff).

The ceremony was not interesting at all. But the fun part was I got to hang out with some friends and we took pictures. A lady keeps on telling everyone that they are not allowed but no one listens.

I left at 1 am and the ceremony did not finish. I asked one of my friends (Neda’a) and she said they were done by 2 am after handing out the certificates.

As I said it was fun because I had some of my friends there, I really wished that they came.

A Three Year Old Boy Dispelled From School

2008-05-20T16:20:00.002+03:00

Yes this is true, three and a half year old (A) was dispelled from school for sexual behavior. The mother was seen crying and saying “this is impossible” and the father swore that he will write about this and send it to many Saudi news papers and said that he will call the human rights. Last week a mother came and said “I saw two boys in their class showing each other their p******”. Another mother said “they asked my daughter to take off her pants”. An aunt of another child said “I saw them behind the door kissing”. Their teacher said “this was not the first time, I saw them many times doing stuff like that”.

Yes it is shocking, how can a three year old know such stuff?? Can it be called sexual behavior???? When you hear “sexual behavior” an image pops into your mind, what pops in is not of children. In one of the reports about this incident “I saw them fully naked on the couch” said the supervisor’s assistant.Come on who would believe such crap. I mean can you really believe in a school like that seeing children naked and on a couch. One thing they don’t have a couch in their class. Ok maybe they showed each other their willies but fully naked is too much.

A three year old imitates things and such things don’t come to his/her mind. They might have seen people kissing on TV and they imitated that. I asked one of my friends about whether it’s normal for kids at this age to show their Mr. P to each other or not? She said it’s completely normal (she took a course about that at the university) she said at this age they discover things (she told me the term but I can remember it. God I forget a lot these days).

I’m not defending this behavior it 100% wrong and kids are not supposed to be doing these things. Kids are not innocent anymore. What I’m saying that they should not have dispelled the child (he is only 3 years for gods sake). You want to dig out the problem from its roots you should separate the kids (A) in one class and (M) in the other. They won’t be seeing each other because the play time hours are different and each class has its own schedule. Maybe they dispelled him because he will find himself another boy to play with wallah I don’t know.

Who do you blame for what has happened the parents or the teacher for not taking action?

انا لله وانا اليه راجعون

2008-05-16T20:28:00.000+03:00

May Hadeel rest in peace. Hadeel died this morning and it was a great shock to all her family and friends. Hadeel has been in a coma for approximately a month due to some kind of brain disease. Allah y’3fer laha w yer7amha w y9aber ahlha.

Nouf I’m very sorry for your cousin’s death. I know you’re devastated but you should be strong *hugs tight*.

Sleepy Heads

2008-05-11T14:17:00.004+03:00

I’ve been collecting pictures of sleeping kids for a while. Some of you will ask “why?”. Well they have these different pauses that are a bit funny. I know some of you are going to say “7araaaaaaaaaaam” but I assure you after taking each picture I wake them up so they lie down properly and on the beds in their classes. Now I had a massive collection but I couldn’t find my other mobile (that what happens when you put something and forget where you put it plus its silent *roles her eyes at herself* typical me). Since I’m on that subject, I bought a couple of books and forgot where I put one of them. I remember taking a look at it and the next thing I don’t know where the hell it is (damn I must be getting old). Now with the pics:

this looks painful.
OMG they are really tierd.
Poor Danah and I dont know the name of the other kid.
Abdulrahman and a wierd pause lol

I do feel sorry for him.
Poor Mohammed (left) and Abdul lateef (right)

The interesting thing is, they are very noisy during the whole day and in the end they just sleep. Yep I bet they have this thing saying “bug your teacher, make her day crappy and take all of your energy out then have a rest in the end of the day”.

Sparkles

2008-05-03T14:17:00.000+03:00

On Wednesday I had an interview for a position of an Administrative assistant manager although when they called they said they wanted a supervisor. What freaked me out the most was when the manager is not in I have to make all the decisions, sign the papers and be the head of any meeting assigned for that day. They said they will need someone by June. Now you know me I hesitate a million times before I make any decision and I bet I can’t be the head of any meeting and one thing I know that when the manager is absent I don’t want to be the manager and no one would want a 22 year old to boss them. Its not decided yet but I should tell you more, the work hours start from 9 am till 5 pm (HP said that its proper work hours), work six days a week even in the summer holiday (that means if I get the job I wont be going abroad this summer with my family), we have only one month vacation (preferable that its taken in Ramadan) and its located in the worst place on earth ‘7ay Al-safarat- Diplomatic quarters’ you have to go an hour earlier so that you’d be on time (its because of the high security there). But the thing is they pay better and well I wont be a teacher ^_^.

I keep on calling KSU almost daily and I think they put callers ID so that when they see my number they don’t answer. When I call from my number they don’t answer but when I call from Noufs number they do :S. By the way the graduation party is held on the 22nd of May in Hamad Al-jaser hall.

I have finished all the books I’ve bought two months ago now I have to go again and buy more. I have read (Confession of a Shopaholic, Shopaholic Takes Manhattan, Shopaholic Ties a Knot, Shopaholic and Sister, Shopaholic and Baby and Can You Keep a Secret). I bought ‘Phantom of The Opera’ but my cousin borrowed it and hasn’t returned it yet. They were all fast reading and fun to read. They are all HILARIOUS. You would crack at Beckey Bloomwood (Shopaholic) and her awkward situations. “Can You Keep a Secret’ was my last book and I’m glad I saved it for the end ^_^.

Yesterday was the family day we kind of broke the routine. We played football and we won by cheating lol. When we came back in we were all full of dust and until this moment I cant stop sneezing and it feels though I have a flu. We decided for next time we will be having a BBQ.

How embarrassing is it to be asked by a lady (teb’3a to56ob) that you don’t know about how you want your future husband to look like and what are his qualities? Min jed ma adry esh teb’3a.

Homework

2008-04-24T13:09:00.002+03:00

This is a tag that Aaliya passed on to me and its more like telling your readers the bad things in you and you have to be really honest. No one likes to admit negative things in them but I’ll try my best.

1- I’m really honest and blunt. I sometimes don’t think before talking and people do get hurt while I don’t mean to hurt them. A question that I hate to answer is “what do you think of this or that?” because I know that they might not like my answer.

2- I’m Stubborn, flexible but stubborn.

3- I’m too quite and shy but when I get to know a person I kind of be the opposite (be5te9ar amoon).

4- I waste my money on shoes and earrings (gold, white gold and diamond) I think this is part of spoiling myself.

5- Sometimes I’m too nice to people that I get hurt a lot.

6- I try my best not to have close friends so that I don’t get hurt and I don’t want them to get hurt too, but I end up having great friends and I get too close to them. (inspired by Aaliya).

7- I sometimes don’t like to make my own decisions and I ask many people for advice. Then based on their advice I make my decision.

8- I don’t like to admit that I’m wrong and I’ve got this pride, I just don’t know what to say about it.

9- Sometimes I wish that I’m out going. To say the truth I was but I’ve changed.

10- I keep everything inside of me and then burst. I’ve tried to change that but I cant, its hard to change.

11- When I get in a fight with anyone I don’t say what I want to say. After a while I keep on saying “I should have said this and that”.

12- When I’m right I’m just right and no one can change my point of view.

I think this is enough, now I have to pass it on. So I tag: Mayoosh, Swarwar, Pinkish and eshda3wa. You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to. Trust me its hard.

PS. thank you Aalyia for helping me get rid of that orange banner ta3abtik m3ay *hugs*

Will you marry me?

2008-04-17T19:29:00.003+03:00

Last Wednesday we had a surprise for a collage called Ohood, she is getting married this summer insha2 Allah. She stood up and said many things and then she looked at the non married girls (Nouf, Tarfah, Nora, Lateefa, Nour, Areej and I) and said you should propose to the man you love or any guy you think is the one, because I’m marrying a man I proposed to.

I remember a couple of months ago another collage asked Nouf and I “is it ok for a woman to ask a man to marry her?”. I had my views and she had hers. But let me explain how the Saudi society views a woman that asks a man to marry her. I’m being so open about this and please don’t get me all wrong. So here it goes:

Here is what the society thinks:

1- She is a whore.
2- She is desperate.
3- She does not respect the society she lives in.
4- She is not well brought up.
5- She is a bitch, which is close to number 1.

This is what her husband thinks of her (that is if he says YES) LOL:

1- I bet she asked a million men to marry her.
2- She went out with other men.
3- I can’t trust her.
4- I’ll bring up the subject of her proposing to me every now and then trying to make her feel guilty and regret the day she did so.
5- She is a bitch (God this is annoying).

The point of view of another kind of husband:

1- She loves me.
2- I bet she is going to be the best because she is the one who asked me to marry her in the first place.
3- She will try her best to make it work.
4- (I can’t think of a number four).

The wife’s point of view:

1- I’m married to a man I love (of my dreams or the most handsome guy or to the richest guy….etc) *who knows why she asked him to marry her in the first place*
2- I’m so bloody lucky to have him.
3- I don’t want to die a virgin (she is desperate).

Here are some questions for you guys to answer:

1- What do you think of any woman who asks a man to marry her?
2- Will you marry a woman that proposes to you? (if your answer is yes please answer the next two questions)
3- Do you think you will live a happy life or are you going to bring the subject every now and then to tease her?
4- Will you trust her? And what will you think of her?
5- How would the society see her?

Now ladies:

1- What do you think of a woman who proposes to a man?
2- Will you ever ask a guy to marry you?
3- Do you think that he will marry you?
4- Hypothetically speaking, do you think he will be a good husband or is he going to be an ass? And will you regret it in the future?
5- How will society look at you? Again hypothetically speaking.

Now general confusing questions:

1- Who will give the dowry?
2- Who will be wearing the pants?
3- Who will pay for everything regarding the wedding?
4- Will he then go to her parents and propose properly?
5- Will a man get offended if a woman proposes?

Long comments are welcomed, arguments too. You are also welcomed to add what ever you like ^_^

NOTE: I did not propose to anyone, i'm against the idea.

Tears Like The Pouring Rain

2008-04-15T17:38:00.000+03:00

Ok I’ll admit it, I’m miserable. I’ve been working really hard to deny it, to get it out of my head, to crush it but it has beaten me. I’ve been depressed for months. I haven’t felt happy for ages, I can’t even remember the last time I laughed from the deepest part of my heart and got my eyes all teary. For the past couple of months I’ve been looking at the dark side of things and never to the bright side. I’ve been trying to act brave and not break down. But today I could not take it and had to break. I feel so lonesome *deep sigh* I just want to sink into the gloom and disappear (God I must be crazy).

So this holiday turned out to be the worst. But it can’t be helped, can it? It’s like I had my moment of epiphany (Ok that does sound stupid). But I’ll look at the bright side, which is not seeing the faces of the little devils and their screaming (you know, when I get married I’ll tell my husband we should wait a couple of years before having kids).

I turend out to be a chatter box :P

2008-03-28T14:53:00.000+03:00

It has been a while now (a month since my last post). Its not like I wanted to stop blogging or something, but not having a laptop is the main reason. My dead laptop had 6 Trojans (yes the number increased. That's what happens when your anti-virus expires) worms and viruses. So basically I had no choice but to wait until I buy a new one, which I didn’t. I'm using my dads laptop and to say the truth is boring. I told him that I will install the new messenger but he said "what is the use of having a messenger when I do not use it" (good point) but I want to use it. I hate our personal PC its too slow (I know picky) my bro wont lend me his (he uses it for studying) and my sis thinks her laptop is too precious (it was her 17th birthday gift). So I'm left with no choice but to use my fathers laptop, I should point something out, he takes it a lot to his office :S. that is why I'm not online, I don’t post and read a lot. I was supposed to buy one this weekend but I got so sick that I had to spend all this weekend at home doing nothing but reading. People enjoy their weekends and SLEEP, but believe it or not, on Tues I woke up at 7 am and today at 6 am. God that was annoying.

In the past few weeks I've been helping my dad with the workshop (and the rest of the group). I've been typing things for them and printing stuff (booooooring) and guess what I'm attending it this Monday. *evil laugh* I know the points they are going to discuss and how the certificates look like. Its under "strategic planning project" and its called "SWOT" something about graduate students from KSU helping in improving the university or something like that.

Moving to my job, they asked me if I want to sign another contract with them and my answer was "no". I'm not going to say I regretted taking this job because I didn’t. I got to meet new people and to challenge myself. But what I do hate about it, is that there is too much pressure. They want me to work at home too. Seriously as if I don’t have my own life to live. Oh I didn’t get a chance to tell you all that we went to the zoo. The kids went crazy.

Moving on, the other day Odah Al-johany called (he is the head of the English literature department). At first I didn’t know who he was when he called and to say the truth he called at 9 pm and asked for my dad. When I told him that he can find him on his mobile he said its ok I want to talk to Ala2!!! He is so annoying. I'll tell you why he asked for my father first. He wants to make sure that he is the same person. What I mean is (1) he thinks that my papers went trough because my dad works at KSU (2) there is this argument between the two departments about some MA program and my dad was the head of the other department. Then he started asking me questions and one annoying question was "did you memorize the essay you wrote?". I mean come on how was I to predict the questions?. Then he asked my "why did you choose this question and not any other question?". He did get on my nerves but I was cold as an ice burg. My mum thinks it was an interview but I doubt it.

This post is getting too long and its not interesting at all.

I miss blogging, I miss you guys and I miss reading my favorite blogs. But I'll be back to action when I buy a new laptop.

Hovering Shadows

2008-02-27T16:29:00.000+03:00

Ever since Wednesday I had this dark shadow surrounding me, I felt so sad and gloomy. And I still feel the same way now as I'm writing this post. Work sucks and I'm thinking of quitting, feeling that it's better than having to keep up with those people. I don’t want people to talk me out of this *deep sigh*. I've known myself to be that person with pride who tries her best not to shed a tear when is in company. But ever since Wednesday they have seen me crying many times. I hate it and I can't bear with it. I'm that person who is quite and calm, and who tries her best not to look weak and never let anyone or anything hurt her. I hate it when everyone is trying to convince me to get all those negative ideas out of my head, just leave me the way I am because sooner or later they will all disappear and I'll go back to my senses, all I need is to sit alone and think things with myself. Just leave me alone its enough that I'm depressed.

Things come together all at once. Now and at this moment I'm trying not to touch my face. I woke up on sat with this allergy from I don’t know what (that’s what I thought at the beginning and turned out that my skin has become more sensitive than ever). At first I thought it was something normal but it started burning like hell. I went to the doctor and he banned me from using all beauty products plus soap. I can only use Johnson baby shampoo (God I just hate my sensitive skin) also I'm not allowed to use perfume (WHAT! Well that I don’t accept. I won't use it on my skin but if I want to, I will spray my clothes and then wear them). He gave me this thing that people use when they have chickenpox and it works perfectly.

Have you ever answered your mobile and heard people talking, things inside a handbag, keys, and other noises just because your name starts with an A? my name is usually the first name on the contact list (that’s when people put my name coz when the put my nickname I usually end up in the middle).

I'm glad its Wednesday, this week was one of the longest weeks ever. On sat I went to the university and I got a chance to meet some of my friends, God knows how much I miss them. I'll tell you later about sat and why was I at the university.

Song of the moment: somewhere I belong- Linkin park ^_^

Chatter 7

2008-02-15T12:02:00.000+03:00

OMG yesterday was valentines day I totally forgot about it. Lol I noticed it was valentine when I found some msg's and red roses when I logged in my facebook account (somebody actually likes me :P lol.). ama shabab SA mo 6abe3yeen.

I'll tell you in short what has happened to me in the past two weeks.

- A co-worker has fleas (I remember that there is another name for it but I cant recall it damn. because fleas comes with animals but the one that affect humans are called……. I can't remember). I swear to god that I was sitting beside her, I turned to ask her something and I saw them crawling in her hair. I felt this itch in my body, I was so disgusted and had to leave the room. For your information she is Saudi. I thought that these bugs were extinct.

- My vacation sucked. We arrived at about 6 something pm and well we didn’t do much the first night. The second day we visited family. The third and fourth day we went camping. I was the first to say no (b3deen where do we camp fe Jeddah?) but my uncle said that we will go far away about 100 kilometers (it was boooooring). I discovered that I'm a city girl 100%. I'm still angry with my uncle Abdul rahman for chasing after me with this huge, disgusting bug. I spent the worst two days and one night of my life. I don’t mind going from dawn to dusk but sleeping there is just horrible.

- On Tuesday we had this big family gathering and after midnight my cousin (A) wasn’t feeling well. She asked my cousin (Z) to help her stand, and guess what happened, her water broke. At eight in the morning she gave birth to a baby girl.

- I found out that I LOVE Rio so much. Although I used to complain about how boring it is and bla bla bla.

- I'm addicted to butterflies by Karl Wolf. I listen to it non stop.

- I don’t remember having this neo counter ------> and I remember I deleted the neo counter ages ago. Remember the flag thingy that was on the side bar.

PS Ahmed to9al belsalama and good luck do your best bro.

Flanah: Marry me Flanah

2008-01-24T17:33:00.000+03:00

Haven’t you noticed that the number of the male looking girls (I'd rather call them that and not anything else) has increased lately? The way they look, the way they dress, the way they talk, the way they walk and the way they handle a girl (by a girl, I mean the normal girl, since they look like men).

I just want to understand, is it ok for them to look like that? Is it something psychological? Is it some kind of lack of confidence? Or is it something to do with the feeling that the opposite sex is better? Is it that they are attracted to the same sex that they think that they should differ from them in the looks? Do they feel that they are men from the inside that they want to get out of this female body they are trapped in (I think this is pretty rare)? Don’t they feel that it is awkward that they look like that while they are surrounded by normal girls? Is it that they don’t know how to look like girls? Is it that they were raised up with boys that they don’t know how to act and look like girls? Or is it that their family doesn't have any male members that they decided to raise one child like a boy? Please I want answers… I really need to understand.

I find it really disgusting rather than horrifying, although it is a scary thing. Yes I'm ageist it and I'll never support it no matter what. About a month ago I went to a shabkah and at the entrance I saw two girls but they were dressed up like men and to say the truth I thought they were men. I thought to myself "am I at the right place?" and then I saw some of my friends. Didn’t it feel weird for them that everyone was wearing a dress, makeup and high heals and they were wearing some kind of male suit?

When people look at them they would immediately think "lesbians". Yes that’s what people think of them and that’s what everyone thought at the shabkah. People connect the male look with being a lesbian. When I was a student at KSU I saw many male looking girls with very feminine girls. To me it was something ugly and I know that many will agree with me. I believe that they are not ashamed of it and it's something normal to them. I remember Dr. 3azizah said that she once found an invitation to a lesbo wedding under her office's door (I can see many jaws open) I swear to God it's something embarrassing and that they should be ashamed of it. Is it to this extent that they invite people to this illegal thing? OMG they have guts to do that. Wallah it's 7aram and it breaks my heart that people like this do exist on earth especially Saudi girls. What were they thinking? Oh lets make our marriage known to all and official. It's sickening and it really pisses me off. Don’t they think of the consequences? And how society would look at them? Forget that, don’t they have the slightest thought of its 7okim in Islam? I don’t know why but I can understand the non-Arab's being and doing so but not the Arabs.

I could go on and on but I'll stop here. If you have anything to say or add please do.

طقوس المذاكره

2008-01-11T11:45:00.000+03:00

هذا اول موضوع اكتبه بالعربي فالله يعافيكم تحملوا الاغلاط الاملائيه و كمان القرامر. المهم هذا تاق من فروحه ^_^
Baer with me people

س1: ما هو الطقس الذي تفعله عندما تذاكر؟

اهم حاجه يكون عندي كوفي لانو انا من النوع اللي انام وانا ادرس
ولازم يكون عندي شوكلت احتياط لا اكتأبت والا شيء. جوالي لازم يكون مقفل او سايلنت (كانو صاحباتي مره يعصبو علي وقت الامتحانات) واحب ادرس على سريري او بالمجلس. واحب استخدم كولور كودنق وقت الدراسه لان هذا الشيء مره يساعدني وقت الامتحان .

س2: متى كان أصعب امتحان مر عليك؟

اصعب امتحان كان في اخر ترم لي بالجامعه. اصلاً الماده متخلفه و الدكتوره كانت معذبتنا. كنت مره خايفه احمل الماده و ما اتخرج وهي
من النوع اللي اذا قالت اكتبي في 10 سطور يعني 10 سطور وكانت تبغى نكتب نفس الكلام اللي في الكتاب و مو على فهمنا، يعني باختصار كوبي من الكتاب و بيست في مخك وبعدين كوبي من مخك و بيست على الورقه. طبعاً كان شيء مره مستحيييييييييل.

س3: ما هو أطرف فعل فعلته أيام امتحاناتك للهروب من المذاكرة؟

يووووووووووه عاد انا مره مجنونه، في اشياء كثير سويتها مثل يوم امتحان الفيزياء ثانويه عامه طلعت شوبنق والله كان ضايق صدري. في اخر سمستر لي في الجامعه كنت اتفرج "قريز اناتومي" وكان علي فاينلز. وكمان كنت ادخل النت عشان اصحصح وكنت بعض الاحيان اطول والاقي صاحباتي. ولا ما يطلع الابداع الا وقت المذاكره، الرسم والكتابه والافكار اللي ما ادري ايش تبغى.

I bet you're all laughing at my Arabic :S ok now I tag who ever posts a comment, no I've changed my mind I tag: mayoosh, mochness, pinkish, swarwar, rimyoleta, hopeless poet, Ahmed, faith, emano, eshda3wa, foof, glow and Euphoria.

PS. Thanks farou7a for the tag and I was happy to do it coz it brought back nice memories :D

Wrapped in her blanket.

2007-12-31T17:33:00.001+03:00

Happy new year everyone ^_^ A whole year has passed and many things happened to us. Some of us graduated, others fell in love, broke up, got engaged or married. Some of us lost people they love and others have got new people coming into their families. New friends made and friendships lost. We felt happy and laughed so much and we also felt so sad and depressed that we cried our hearts out. We all hope that this year is going to make a difference in our lives, not to the worst but to the best. Let us make this year a step closer to our dreams and to our ultimate goals. Let us hope that this year is going to be a better year for everyone.

This year (2007) I've made many good friends and I appreciate having them. I want you to know that I care for you all and that you are all dear to my heart. I love you all and I care for you all.

PS. To all who know me in person or in any other way; please forgive me if I have said something that hurt you or done something that has bothered you. I usually do things unintentionally and sometimes I do things without thinking. I love the fact that I'm too honest but being so has hurt so many, please forgive me.

EDITED

Moving on, it's finally WINTER ^_^ I just love everything about this season (the wind, the rain, the chill, the clouds, the early morning, the smell of burning wood "al baaarrrr", al 7neny, the clothes and everything that is connected to winter). They said that this is going to be one of the coldest winters in SA's history, isn’t that wonderful. It's true that the temperature dropped all of a sudden but I'm kind of happy. Not all people love the cold but think of it this way, 9 months of the year are summer (since that we don’t see all the 4 seasons wallah its either summer or winter).

This two week break was like a blink of an eye and I didn’t enjoy it that much since I was sick on the first week (wish tha) and had a knife standing straight into my foot (yeah it was painful). But thank god it didn’t go too deep and that I didn’t need stitches.

Work is horrible like the usual but there is something that is bothering me a lot. My supervisor told me that I'm too feminine (Well dauh! I was born a girl and was raised up like one. WTF? Seriously, what am I to do?) She was like you have to change (WHAT? I can't change who I am). It's not good for you, people will think you are too nice and they will take advantage of that (no relation). Then she was like are you going to finish this whole year or are you going to quit? (well if you don’t need me, you might as well say it directly). I was talking to Al-joharah about it and she told me that she asked her the same question and that Areej was asked too. There is something you should all know; we are all new and that we don’t have any experience besides the three months or four months that we've worked. Well I don’t mind because I had the thought of quitting ever since day one and besides I'm still looking for another job (yeah I know sore loser), wish me luck and please pray that I get what I want whether it's a job or continuing my higher education.

I've been having connection problems lately :S and the messenger doesn't sign me in (lol I'm good when it comes to changing the subject).

My parents, my brother and sisters are sick and I'm trying my best not to get sick although I'm pretty sure that I'll get sick again. If I get sick this time it will be the fourth time in a row.

Song of the moment: When You're Gone by Avril Lavigne.

Happy Eid :D

2007-12-19T07:55:00.000+03:00

I wish you all a happy Eid.

I would like to say happy birthday to my friends Farou7ah, Mochness and raymooni may all your dreams come true :D they all turned 22 ^_^

Chatter 6

2007-12-09T16:03:00.000+03:00

On Tuesday my friends and I went to al7keer land. We had lots of fun but honestly the bruises are painful. Lol I never thought I could be that courageous (I wanted to get off as fast as possible and my throat hurts from all that non stop screaming). Yep I'm a scary cat, but thank god I wasn’t the only one, Ohood, Hyat and I form the "chicken group" (I'd rather call it "I don’t want to risk my life group") I wouldn't count Jomana in coz she's not as afraid as us. I'm glad I got to see my friends and thank you mocha for all the Japanese drama and anmie and also thanks for adding one of my favorite childhood movies :D *hugs*.

I'm watching "Hanazakari No Kimi Tachi" a Japanese drama that is so hilarious. I just love it when the say "BAKA" they have this certain angry tone when they say it.

I've got this student called Abdul Allah who doesn’t listen to a word I say. God he pisses me off. Yesterday he was like "miss I want to go and buy juice" I told him that he should wait 5 more min's till the class ends. But he has a mind of his own, when I turned around he wasn’t in the class.

Three more days and then bed sweet bed. I do miss sleeping for more than 6 hours. With me its kind of normal sleeping for less than 8 hours.

I've got this flu three times in a row. Come on is it some kind of period or what. Seriously, every beginning of every month I get this flu, it’s a bit strange, how can a person get sick three times in a row?

I'm craving for blueberry cupcakes and cinnamon roles.

Ohood a co-worker was telling me the other day "wallah ya Ala2 lo ma takleen, la akles '3a9ban 3anis. Wish fes inty, shofy keef inty 9afra al yoom". (Translation: Ala2 if you don’t eat well I'll feed you myself and against your will. Look at you you're pale") (ma yemdekom 3ala al translation :P). what am I to do if I don’t feel like eating?!

Happy Birthday To Moi

2007-11-24T16:11:00.000+03:00

Yep today is the day this girl was born :D Today I'm 22 years old.

I would like to thank everyone who has sent me an e-mail, sms, an e-card, messaged me on facebook and who said happy birthday to me. Thank you all, now I know that all my friends care :D

Love you all and I mean each and every one of you, no one is left out *hugs* :**

Women and Chocolate <3

2007-11-21T18:45:00.000+03:00

Why is it, that nearly everyone loves chocolate, especially women? 99% of all women love chocolate.

So why do women love chocolate so much?

One of the most pleasant effects of eating chocolate is the "good feeling" that many people experience after indulging. Chocolate contains more than 300 known chemicals. Scientists have been working on isolating specific chemicals and chemical combinations which may explain some of the pleasurable effects of consuming chocolate.

While stimulants contribute to a temporary sense of well-being. There are other chemicals and other theories as to why chocolate makes us feel good. Perhaps the most controversial findings come from researchers at the Neurosciences Institute in San Diego, California. They believe that "chocolate contains pharmacologically active substances that have the same effect on the brain as marijuana, and that these chemicals may be responsible for certain drug-induced psychoses associated with chocolate craving." (That can explain why women are addicted to chocolate :P).
But who cares, it tastes great as it melts in your mouth. Chocolate lovers often describe this melting feeling as a moment of true of ecstasy (very true). It's the cocoa butter in chocolate that gives it the rich and creamy texture that we love so much *deep sigh while eating after eight* (love that mint chocolate taste).

Chocolate makes us feel good. Chocolate contains phenylethylamine, the same chemical that is released in the brain when we fall in love *rises eyebrow*. Eating chocolate can give some people a natural "high" which is often related to the feeling of being in love.
Chocolate is good for you. Recent studies show that chocolate, especially dark chocolate, contains chemicals that can lower the risk of cancer and heart disease (heart dark chocolate <3). href="http://bobbiesgourmetbaskets.com/bgb_chocolate_facts.html">Link, link and link.

PS. I felt so lazy that I didn't paraphrase it in my own words (fa'9yah!), but I did cut from one place and paste it in another :P and if something doesn't make any sense you can blame me :P coz I didn't get much sleep last night. At work i was saying stuff that Nouf was laughing at me and said that I don't make any sense when i don't have much sleep :S.

And suddenly she bursts into tears

2007-11-21T15:52:00.000+03:00

I had a rough day at work today :'(

Don't You Just Love Rio?!

2007-11-17T15:59:00.000+03:00

I'm pleased that we've got this long weekend. In a matter of fact, I'm glad that I don’t get to see the children and my boss who thinks that the kids are going to speak fluent English in a couple of months *roles eyes*.

Lol and swarwar I was thinking of the same thought (ya rab tekthar al meetings fe Rio and we get more longer weekends).

Ps. Congratulations aunt soso :D you've got the cutest baby girl ever.

The Adventures of Nouf and Ala2

2007-11-12T17:05:00.000+03:00

Where to begin?!
Nouf asked the supervisor if I could help her out with the kids or not and luckily she said yes. Most of her class was absent (bawahahaha) eight students where divided into three groups. I took Lanah and Al-joharah, two three and a half year old quite shy girls, am I lucky or what?

Around 120 students went to the mall, since most parents think that we might not be able to take care of their kids. Before leaving our supervisor had to say something. She said "6alibat al tadreeb (al jam3ah) are not supposed to hold a huge number of students (why not? But then again nesma3 min hena w ne6ali3 min henak, we kind of ignore everything she says) and I don’t want any of you lurking around and I don’t want to see non of u down stairs (in Arabic, ma ab'3a ashoof wala wa7da feekom ta7et fe al mall w ma ab'3a 7arakat al 9ya3ah de)(poor thing she doesn’t know that we all planed to go down stairs and have our breakfast from starbucks).

We arrived there at about 9:15 and of course we all went up stairs. The kids started playing and lol we played with them too. At about 10 I told Nouf that I'll go and buy us coffee and muffins, I gave her Lanah and jojo. I had to go with someone but no one came with me, bunch of scary cats. Lol Nouf was really worried that I'm going to get caught by the supervisor and she kept on calling me. I ordered our stuff, took them and went up stairs. On my way up I tried to resist everything which was hard of course. We had our breakfast and I kept on telling Nouf that I can't take it we have to go down stairs. Which we did an hour later.

At about 10: 30 Latefa was running like crazy looking for man9oor the run away kid. We found him half an hour later crying. 10:45 was time for the kids to eat, the school ordered from McDonalds. Nouf and I felt like eating from subway (we have a mind of our own :P) so we sneaked out. You know when someone is hiding something and doesn’t want anyone to know about it, that’s Nouf. She was like "yallah bsor3a lets order any kind of sandwich u want and lets go back" so I told her "ok I feel like eating turkey". You should have seen her "put anything in that sandwich but we don’t want ketchup, olives and tomatoes" she didn’t even take the change.

We went down stairs to wjooh and I bought two bottles of perfume, Versace and Burberry. Nouf went up stairs again claming that she doesn’t want to have a nervous breakdown (ya 7yaty a scary cat min jed) to say the truth it wouldn’t harm to disappear for five minutes. At about 11:15 we left the mall and went back to school.

At first I thought that this is going to be the worst day of my life, but thank god it wasn’t. al 7amdellah that nothing bad happened besides the run away kid man9oor. I took some pics insha2 allah i'll upload them soon :D

Just a summery.

2007-11-04T09:24:00.000+03:00

The first week after the Eid break was one of the longest weeks of my life. Add to that I was very depressed and was thinking of quitting my job. Yes I was thinking of quitting my damn, tiring, full of screaming, make my life mislabel job. Some of my friends and my mom actually convinced me to stay although my dad was the person telling me to follow my heart (dad you’re the best you didn’t pressure me, thank you). last week was kind of different, I was more of a cheerful person. Who would believe that I was literally gloomy two weeks ago?

On sat morning, at about five thirty, my dad and I were having breakfast. I was sighing a lot and he said "ya binty if you want to say something just say it". Lol, I was just sighing coz I was thinking of the long day that lays ahead of me. But I should consider myself lucky because my father works from 8 am till 6 pm on Saturdays (ya 7yaty).

On Tues I saw Al-Joharah, she is one of my friends. She started working last week and I'm very happy that we work together. Maybe that’s why I've became more cheerful and started smiling again :D

Moving on, I hate it when the other co-workers hug me. I mean they can hug me but not all the time. wallah its annoying, it feels as if some of them lacks love and care. If I'm that person that you really know, you can hug me when ever you like. Some of them hug in a very annoying, non comfortable way. Today N. came and hugged me and put her head on my shoulder and she said I just felt like hugging you. 5la9 I don’t want to talk about it anymore coz it irritates me.

On Mon the 12 of Nov. we've got a field trip to Sahara Mall (Fun) but a huge responsibility. What if we lose a kid (la sama7 Allah) or one gets hurt or what so ever? Imagine me shouting in the middle of the mall telling the kids not to run :S I know that there will be around 14 adults but compare that to the number of kids. There is around 160 students in KG3 and 65 in KG2 and I'm not sure if KG1 are going on this trip, but they are around 30.

I stopped caring about my health, it's not like I intend to do it, I just forget. Seriously, sometimes I forget to eat and drink. Sometimes I feel dizzy and remember that I haven’t eaten anything after breakfast :S and remember that I'm living on gum and that’s why I don’t feel empty. Now I always carry a water bottle everywhere I go. Lol and I sometimes set the reminder incase I forget to eat.

Today I'm home because of this horrible flu :S what's a teacher without her voice?

PS. Mocha I wish you the best of luck w Allah ywafi8ik and I'll pray for you :D

Song of the moment Lips of an angle- Hinder and I feel like listening to How to save a life- The Fray.

Chatter 5

2007-10-18T19:50:00.000+03:00

- My sleep is all messed up, I've tried forcing myself into sleeping early and of course it did not work. Yesterday I kept on tossing and turning for hours. Work will start on Saturday and I still stay up until 5 am.

- Ugh! I just broke a nail :S

- I bought these PJ's three months ago and literary forgot about them. Unfortunately, I discovered that I bought size 16. I think I must have seen the size of the PJ that was beside it and took the wrong one. Now how am I supposed to live with it? I wore it and looked rather funny because even if I pull the pants string and tie it, it's still too big.

- I miss winter. I've got this thing for cold weather. I was watching last years pictures and felt like wearing cozy clothes. *sigh* I wish this winter would stay longer than the usual.

- I still can't believe that one day is left and I'll start work again *deep sigh* *thinks of all the crying and screaming*.

- Here at home it feels like Ramadan, coz some of us have stared fasting again :D

- I think I'm depressed, or am I depressed? No surely I'm down the drain, chocolate is not working anymore.

- I'm fed up with people telling me to gain weight. Get over it people! Honestly when I reached my goal weight you stared telling me that I used to look better (Saudis love fat women, b3deen I wasn’t fat I was normal and I'm still in the normal limit. Besides I've only lost a couple of kilos). If I were skin on bones I would start worrying but I'm not.

- I was frying sambosa today and one exploded :S I've got a small burn in my middle finger on my right hand.

- I write random stuff when I really feel like writing a post but don’t know what to write about.

- I want to read any book, but it seems that I don’t have time for anything. It's been months since the last time I opened a book. At least I used to read when I was a student (I miss being a student). Do you recommend any books (Note: I don’t like romance). There is this book that I want to read and I'm waiting for my cousin to finish it :D it's called be careful what you wish for. It seems interesting and my cousin says it's funny.

- I feel empty, life is meaningless. Now I'm sure that I'm depressed for real.

- Insha2 Allah soon I will write a decent post.

Happy Eid and Another Tag...

2007-10-11T22:14:00.000+03:00

Kol sana winto b alf 5eer.
Happy Eid to you all.

I've been taged by the one and only pinkish to list my fav. blogs :D

Ahmed Banjar
Elagante
Eshda3wa
Euphoria
Foof
Glow
Hopeless Poet
Mayoosh
Mitsuki
Mochness
Pinkish
Swarwar
Ren crow

Edited

Faith

Farou7a

Phoenix

and i tag all the listed above :D

Life

2007-10-04T15:52:00.000+03:00

Take chances, make mistakes. that's how you will grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being BRAVE.

you think of a title for this one :P

2007-10-01T20:10:00.000+03:00

Mocha asked me nicely to post about the evil teacher miss. Laly. Lol since you asked nicely :P I'll post about me :P

I used to be that sweet person with the nice attitude, but since last week everything has changed. I'm not totally evil but somehow I am.

1- I'm saying no to anything I don’t like and give my opinion whether they like it or not. They can't force me into doing anything I don’t want. I'm kind of known for saying what ever you like, but now everything has changed (lol and it’s a bit of a shock for them).

2- When ever your working with kids do not use (ya baba, ya mama, sweetie and never use their nicknames) because they will get out of control. There is this kid called Rakan who gets on my nerves and enjoys it when I tell him to zip it. On Tuesday I asked him nicely to shut the hell up, he was literally screaming for no reason. I tried my best to ignore him and told myself "he's just a kid". On Wednesday he really pissed me off by calling some his class mates names not only his class mates but also my assistant (she doesn’t understand Arabic). His mother told me two weeks earlier that I should give him some discipline. That was my green light :P. I asked him to sit on the naughty chair and he refused. I asked him again and he refused. So I had to raise my voice a bit (well not a bit), which really worked. Other students started teasing him, and that made him annoyed of the fact that he did something wrong and he almost ran out of the class. He promised that he would not do it again and let's hope he doesn't.

3- A child called Abdullah is so sweet when he is out of the class. When he sees you out side the class, he would give you a hug and tell you that he loves you so much (don’t start saying awwww yet). In the class he's that child that fights with anyone beside him, tear their worksheets, and throw stuff at his friends. Trust me you don’t want to see him play Spiderman. He was told to sit on the naughty chair and he started using "Miss I love you, wallah a7ebik.", "I want to hug you", "do you love me", "aby a7ebith I want to kiss you". God he's like this at an early age he really knows how to move a person. Wallah I felt sorry for him and told him because I love him he has to sit there for five minuets and it worked. Most important rule never go soft.

4- A strategy I started using last week is, if the naughty chair does not work flip the chair and let the child face the wall. If that doesn't work ask the child to put his hands and face on the table and if that doesn’t work ask him to go back to his class. Most students don’t like to go back to their classes because their teacher will know that he/she did something wrong and will give him/her time-out.

See mocha I'm not that bad :P

Yesterday I went to the head of the school coz I wanted her sign me a paper. When I came into the office she was like "ya Ala2 min yoom ma masaknak hal a6fal ma9erna nshofik, w b3deen esh hatha illy nesma3o 3anik?" my smile started to fade, she continued "the kids love you" I smiled "but" OMG there's a but "my niece says that you don’t like her, her name is Nouf", me trying to defend myself "Nouf doesn't talk at all and I'm trying my best to encourage her to do so, maybe she thinks I don’t like her because I'm telling her that I want her to be good as (insert any students name)", "yeah maybe. I know she makes you feel that you're invisible", "yeah she doesn’t move a muscle and she never looks at me", and then the conversation takes another path.

* I'm thinking of changing my blogs layout. I've found a couple that are nice but I'm not sure which one to choose. I don’t want it to be too girly, too dark, too dull, too weird and not too simple. It seems that I'll never choose one, lol I'm too picky :P

"Because you've got a warm voice"

2007-09-20T20:10:00.000+03:00

What is that supposed to mean? Our supervisor turned out to be a two faced person. In front of everyone she treats us really good but when no one is around you don’t want to know what happens.

On Tuesday she told me that when the new English teacher comes I'll take the younger kids because I've got a warm quite voice. Well I'm sorry if god created me like that, what do you want my voice to be like? Should I roar like a lion or what?

Never mind that. I'm very sick, I've got this horrible flu, I don’t have a voice and I feel like an old lady. I hate it when I'm sick not because of the fever or the dry cough but because I end up with no voice. I cant communicate with anyone, I cant answer my phone calls (lol imagine me answering a phone call, the person on the other side would say hello a million times and doesn't know that I'm actually listening).

Look what happened to the warm voice :P (being sarcastic) *sigh* I want my voice back. Its funny how ppl talk to you and you just shake your head. I've got only a few options its either I shake my head to say yes or no, smile, frown, raise one eyebrow, look with astonishment and yawn, as you can see not that many options. Hopefully, in two or three days my voice well get better.

Chatter 4

2007-09-11T16:40:00.000+03:00

- Ramadan is either tomorrow or on Thursday, so HAPPY RAMADAN to you all.

- today in one of my classes I was called "snow white, princess and beautiful" honestly hearing these made me feel happy. I never thought I would hear these words from these noisy kids.

- I was hugged and kissed by many student, it's cute but it's also disgusting to have all the salvia on my face. I had to wash my face after that class. (I'm not going to get soft. Also I'm thinking of another job offer. I believe it’s a good opportunity and it suits me more. Wish me luck).

- I want to buy another mobile but I'm not sure what to buy. I'm thinking of N76, any other suggestions.

- I'm listening to Umbrella by Rihanna ft. Jay Z. I'm trying my best to get Reasons To be Missed by Linkin Park out of my head, it's been stuck in there for 2 days.

- My brother took my external hard drive and gave it to his friend. Now we both got Torjan. I managed to delete it but my bro had to format his laptop (miskeen).

- Don’t you have these weird moments when you feel that a certain word sounds weird. Today I felt that my name was weird and I kept thinking of it, although my name is a normal name.

- I want chocolate NOW, all of a sudden I felt down. Hehe I found chocolate in my hand bag. *feels better*

- My Ipod went missing for almost a week and I found it under my bed :S I really thought of buying another one. I'm glad I didn't lose it coz It was a gift on my 21st birthday :D.

- I was sitting with the other Ed she told me that I'm very quite and I don’t talk much. she really wants me to talk and stop being shy. I'm not shy, I'm always like this I cant change.

- Since I don’t have anything to say I'll stop here and say Ramadan Kareem.

PS. Ramadan is not for eating and it's not for making all these delicious dishes.

My worst nightmare

2007-09-08T16:51:00.000+03:00

Today was my first official day at work. I won't say it's good because it was a disaster. I was there at 6:30 am and started work immediately. We started sorting the students into their classes. The children did not want to leave their mothers and when his/her mother is out of sight he/she would start crying "I want my mommy". I've heard the same sentence in many different accents and ways. Some of them would scream others would cry it. "bedy emey", "I want my mommy", "3awez mama", "aby mama or umy".

Latefa, one of the teachers gave me a crying girl.
L: Ala2 Allah y3afeek fekeny minha.
Me: what am I supposed to do with her?
L: make her stop.
Me: wallah w al wah8ah. What's your name 7abebty.
Kid: joharah (jory)(she was crying and I barely understood)
Me: who's your teacher love?
Kid: ma a3rif, aby mama. Bs aby a7ebaha.
Me: (with a broken heart) ok we will find your mother.
Kid: mama showed me her office…….etc

I can't take the kid to her mother, so we walked and walked until she stopped crying, I gave her candy and put her into her class.

Two other kids were given to me, one is Ahmed and the other did not tell me her name :S and of course they were crying and they all want their mothers.

Kids fighting, boys pushing girls because they want to be first on the slide and kids running like crazy. Honestly it was the longest day ever. I kept on looking at my watch every five minutes.

I'm trying to look at the bright side, I'm thinking maybe because this is the first week and the children are not used to the new environment. Although I doubt it because one of them told me that some kids never get used to school.

I don’t feel like typing anymore *sigh* I'm too bored and too sleepy (I'm trying not to sleep, I really want to sleep early) I know dejajah :P I don’t want to reread the post, so ignore all spelling and grammatical mistakes.

Beware this is an anger post.

2007-08-30T01:01:00.000+03:00

You know when you think a person is your best friend and you tell this person everything, well not everything, but you talk to this person when you need someone to talk to. I trusted my cousin and I thought we were friends, I also kept her secrets. Yesterday I was annoyed and I called her and started talking and talking and talking. But after the phone call I had this strange feeling "why did I talk to her? Why didn’t I keep it to myself? Why do I have this bad feeling?". I regretted talking to her. I knew that something wrong is going to happen. Today my aunt (not her mother her aunt too, she was the one I talked to her about) called and was angry I mean really really angry, she started screaming and saying stuff, I was shocked (esh teb'3a hathy I thought). Imagine yourself just waking up and your mobile rings, you can't even know who the caller is because you can't see the number and the light from your mobile is too strong and suddenly you hear screaming. She choose the right time (for her) because I wasn’t able to defend myself like I'm supposed to (in Arabic ma a5thet 7a8y zay alnas w al sabab iny shobeh naymah). I know this is not an excuse. Some of you might say "maybe because you respect her because she is older than you" others might say "you are too kind hearted (8albik abya'9)" and other things (I can't think cause I'm pissed off right now).

I sent my cousin a msg and I gave her a piece of my mind. She replied with a msg that was worse "you know me when I turn my back on someone" (OMG what is she saying) "next time I want you to watch your tongue and not say what you feel" (huh there's no next time and I didn’t say anything wrong or bad but if you are sensitive and you talked to our sensitive aunt that’s not my problem) "you should learn how to respect" (urm m3leesh bs al salfah ma testahel hatha kolo and common I should learn how to respect? Listen to yourself you should take lessons to learn how to respect other peoples matters) "and about trust you…. Part on the text is missing" (I wish I know what is the missing part. If you're talking about trust then I know now that you are a person that I can't trust)(insha2 Allah this missing part ytkamal). I wish you all knew what I've said wallah it doesn’t deserve all of this (salfah sa5eefah) I started thinking that why was I annoyed (al salfah ma testahel). What made my aunt angry is the words I said (esh alfaydah and besara7ah mara 59arah) she kept on repeating them.

Now I've said what I want and it kind of feels good. I know I shouldn’t put any of my problems in this blog, and that I shouldn’t sound out of my mind. I don’t care if she is angry with me or not (I know I sound sick) wallah if I'm going to think of every word that is said to me I will get sick, live tortured and then die before my time. I will have wrinkles and look older than my age. There is an Arabic saying that I can't remember but it supports this idea.

Tomorrow is the family meeting day I will act normally as if nothing has had happened (I know a39aby bardah).

You know that today I was in a really good mood (mocha I know you'll say that too) and suddenly look how my mood changed so fast :S

I didn’t use bad language although it's my right because I'm angry and angry people can use curse words. I didn’t use them because I respect my readers first, my blog and myself.

Important note:
I didn’t write this because I don’t or can't face people, but because I don’t have anyone to talk to at this moment and I don’t want people to get involved. This is a place where I can be free and say what ever I like. I must not keep things to myself and keep them all inside, it is bad for my health. I use reasoning more than I use screaming which is right. I usually think before I speak. However, yesterday I was in the need to talk and the issue was nothing of importance and I did not think that things would go out of hand. I believe that some people look for problems and that when they are angry they cannot mange their anger and try rather desperately to get it all out on anyone to feel better. Now I cannot trust anyone and an online friend was right about something. I can see the words in front of me right now. How ironic.

Tagged by Pinkish + an update

2007-08-23T01:33:00.000+03:00

Post 8 facts about me that you don't know and then tag 8 people..

1- I'm the first child and I always wish that I had an older sister or brother or at least a twin.

2- I've got a scar in my chin caused by me slipping and hitting my chin on the edge of the TV table when I was four years old.

3- my Arabic accent is a mixture of Hijazy and Najdy that’s why ppl get confused about where I'm from.

4- I don’t eat tomatoes and water melons. Also I don’t drink milk nor laban.

5- I wear PJ at home and rarely change into something proper (inspired by pinkish)

6- ppl always miss pronounce my name and its kind of annoying because my name is not hard. Some call me Hla others Aya and sometimes 3ola.

7- I'm shy around ppl and I don’t talk much that’s why ppl think that I think of myself as higher than them (motakabera or ma'3roorah) which is not true.

8- I LOVE shoes. I've got piles and piles of shoes. My mum and dad think it's weird and that I'm obsessed with shoes :S

I tag: Ahmed, Eshda3wa, Mitsuki, Elagant, and any other blogger who wants to be tagged.

Update

It has been a while since the last time I've written something decent in this blog. Well I don’t have much to say. Except for I singed a one year contract and I'll be teaching English to kids (kinder garden kids). I know that it's not the best job but it’s a thing to pass my time, add to my CV, and a start for something bigger insha2 Allah. I started work on Tuesday and we had this very long meeting, I kept yawning through out the two hours. I wasn’t giving the impression that I'm bored but the fact that I only slept for two hours is annoying. I'm not used to the new environment, but soon insha2 Allah I'll get used to it all especially being called miss, honestly it’s a bit weird. Our supervisor is a very sweet person masha2 Allah thanks to god. Some of my co-workers said that there was another one that treated them like crap but now she works somewhere else :D

I miss being online for hours, I miss staying up late, I miss my friends, I miss my online friends, I miss my old crappy and lazy life (al7amdellah 3ala kol 7al '3ery ma 79al a job. Wallah I'm considered lucky). My life has changed, I wake up really early and come back home at 1 pm. Go sleep until 6 pm and then wake up lazy stay the rest of the day in bed coz all my bones and muscles hurt. Then go back to sleep at one or two am (some kinda life eh?) and the story goes on.

I don’t feel like writing anything my head went blank.
PS. Thank you Ahmed for asking about me :D that is very kind of you.

...

2007-08-10T02:31:00.000+03:00

If you believe in love at first sight........... you'll never stop looking.

Randomness 4

2007-08-03T01:12:00.000+03:00

Gloomy is back, I know I was away only for about a week but it was fun although I didn't go to Bahrain. Keep on reading and you'll know why. My parents did the
"you snooze you lose" thing. They went to Bahrain and left sese and I behind :S I was angry wallah min jed I went to alshar8yah coz I wanted to go to Bahrain. We woke up at about 3:30 pm and I had like 4 msg from my brother and they were all tenarfiz (losers, bwahahahahaha that’s what happens when u don’t set up the alarm) he really got on my nerves. They came back at about 12 am shay mara y8har. Thank God that we were living in a resort willa min jed kan inta7art

Don’t ever eat something that you're allergic too. I'm allergic to seafood and I really felt like eating shrimp, and cleaver me I did. I ended up all red and spotty and had to take a shot to ease my pain.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BLOGGY WOGGY :D it's been a whole year. I remember it as if it were yesterday. I remember how I suffered with my first steps. The date was the first of Aug. when I first created this blog but I deleted it at that same night. Two days later "love, happiness and peace" was created again :D. Some of my friends wonder how I came up with the name of this blog. Well it’s a celebrity's tattoo. As for the name gloomy, its part of my e-mail address :D since I'm used to the name gloomy I picked it as my posting name :D I cant remember all the names I thought of but I remember these (laly, crystal, aqua, pearl, moi, and I cant remember the rest) a name I thought of before "love, happiness and peace" was express yourself and thank God I didn’t call it that because it sounds stupid another name was my world (anwa3 illy afa'97 b3omry). I know that Gloomy and (L, H & P) don’t blend, that’s why I changed it into (L, H & P with a gloomy touch). T9ad8oon I don’t remember when I gave my blog its new look :S OMG I can't remember.

Tomorrow is my uncles wedding and I'm going to stay at my grandmothers house to help out (actually all my aunts and cousins are there and I think it would be fun 9a7 ino its crowded but I'll have fun) pity that my aunt soso wont make it coz she's pregnant and her doctor told her that she cant get on a plane but her daughters are coming.

My sister went shopping and I told her on her way home to bring me ice-cream. She knows my favorite flavors. But she wanted to laugh and brought me this lemon with blueberry ice-cream. When I asked her why? She said you love blueberries. I know I love blueberries but not with lemons.

.........chatter again :P

2007-07-27T02:10:00.000+03:00

So here I am writing a new post. My status is away but I'm chatting with my cusin and one of my online friends, it’s a bit distracting to write a post and chat at the same time but it doesn’t matter.

I've finished reading this book I bought three or was it four days ago (I lost count of the days wallah its hard to tell which day we are coz my biological watch is messed up). "The secret" is an interesting book, it really changed the way I'm thinking. I mean I can focus on the things I want and think positive at the same time. insha2 Allah I'll start reading "septimus heap". I've got book two and three, I've ordered book one and I'll be taking it tomorrow. Hyat mall branch told me that the book is available in Jareer al ro'9ah branch. Why go there when they can get it for me, besides that branch is about 45 min from my home. As you can see I'm passing my time by reading.

We decided to go to al5obar and we might go to Bahrain and insha2 Allah we do because I want to watch Harry potter and the order of the phoenix. (Yeah I just remembered a thing, I read the last 4 pages of Harry potter 7 (I know I'm a spoiler) I just wanted to know if he would die or not (and I'm not telling). Now after reading the end and satisfying my curiosity I don’t feel like reading the book :S) we will only spend a week there or less coz we have to be back to Riyadh for my uncles wedding (yeah I know I said its in a month, well guess what when she told me that the wedding is on the 21st of Rajab I thought we were in Jemad thany :S). I'll wear my cousins dress coz she gained weight and I lost weight :D and she will be wearing one of my dresses.

My sister (sese) and I were bored and she said that it's been a while since the last time we played any game together. So we thought we will play with the play station and we are not going to change the CD no matter what the CD is. We discovered that it was football (6aba3an anwa3 alfashal) we both don’t know how to play but we did for the fun of it. All we did is kick the ball and laugh. Then she changed it and we played "need for speed" now that is a game. I love cars and I love racing, and guess what thing gloomy knows how to play (bwahahahaha) I won two races, I was knocked out in one race and busted in another.

summer time

2007-07-17T01:39:00.000+03:00

Summer sucks especially when you know that you will be stuck the whole summer in the same city you live in. but you should know that you have to add a flavor to it to make it more enjoyable.

My sisters and I stay up all night doing stuff but when the clock strikes three our tummies start to rumble, so we go to the kitchen and make ourselves a treat. One of these snacks was popcorn. This is shameful for a person who can cook, I actually burned popcorn. The kitchen was full of smoke, so we opened the windows and we got out and we closed the door hopping that the smoke alarm won't go off.

I'm fed up with those people who think I'm short tempered. They really get on my nerves. I'm not like that, how can I be short tempered when I at the same time bottle up and keep things inside of me until I burst. Wallah I ignore many things and I pretend I haven’t seen them. I get hurt and I keep it all inside. But when the same person hurts me a lot I just blow of, what I mean is I take strike one, tow and three and booom I get angry. Besides ask my friends about me, I've never lost my temper.

I won't be able to attend my cousins wedding. Sorry Amal I really want to be there but I can't (ma le8ena 7ajez). But here is a promise meta ma re7t Jeddah I'll visit you and we will have fun.

Do you have these times where you don’t want to see chocolate and if you do, you would feel sick. I don’t eat chocolate that much but (7ayma kibdy minaha) plus I don’t want to eat anything with sugar.

My aunt just called and said that my uncles wedding is in a month :D yay I'm soooooooo happy for him and I wish him a happy life and a great ever lasting marriage, good luck :D *hugs*.

questions that I hate "when are you getting married? Aren't u engaged? Has anyone proposed to you?". People leave me alone. You can ask me once or twice but not every time you see me.

I'm officially a GRADUATE

2007-07-01T15:41:00.000+03:00

OMG I can finally breathe. Oh yeah I graduated and I'm extremely happy. Although my GPA dropped and although I've got lots of C's but I'm still happy. Nothing is going to ruin this happiness. On wed we had this graduation party. We all had fun and I'm happy that I got to see my Uni. friends and my school friends in one day. Ok here is a little secret, for some reason I feel that I'm closer to my Uni. friends more than to my school friends and I do feel bad because of this feeling. I have to treat them equally. Honestly it was hard to make time to sit with each group but I managed it. The one sad thing is that my friend Jomjom couldn’t make it "it’s a pity that you didn't come". Also I was eager to see a childhood friend that I've known for more than 18 years. Because she's at mid. School we don’t get a chance to see her in the monthly meeting for the people who used to live in Bloomington. God I've got the worst luck in the world. Their trip was on the same day of our party.

I was asked if I regretted being an English lit. student and my answer was no. people tell me that you went through a lot as a high school student and had to study math, chemistry and physics and then ended up studying literature. People why don’t you mind your own business this is my life (thank god that those people don’t know that I have a blog.)

I want to thank Amonah, Amani, Arwa, Ayootan, Dania, 7yat, Maha, Mocha, Noni, Ramroomah, soso, Shosho, shatha for the wonderful cake *hugs* I hope I didn't forget any names. 3hood and I were surprised when we first saw the cake. We tried not to cry (to sensitive girls, we cry at anything even when we are watching movies :S) and we took pics of the cake. Unfortunately I didn't take pics of me with my friends nor of me alone. God why did I put make up for and why did I wear that dress? Seriously I was to busy to take pics.

I was invited to a DJ party and I didn't go because I was still suffering from a headache and my feet were still sore, besides I didn’t know what to wear :S.

I won two bets, the first one was, me not drinking coffee for two days and I did it (it was really heard). The bet was supposed to be three days but I begged for mercy. The second bet was, me not being online for a day and I did that too. I asked for checking my mail but that was not an option because when I start a thing it leads to another.

Rio is no fun at all, I mean its either going shopping or eating out and that’s it. But I'm still enjoying myself :D. I finished watching episode 19 of heroes and I haven't finished prison break yet, I find heroes more entertaining because prison break is really depressing.

I should learn to stick to a point and not write random stuff.

"It was only me talking, you know? Talking? Remember? I'm sorry"

2007-06-10T17:01:00.000+03:00

- The title is a line taken from the play Look Back in Anger by John Osborne.

- I've been busy for more than 3 weeks and I'm still too. This final exam thing sucks. What mostly sucks is that we enter the final exam without knowing our total out of forty. I'm done with three exams and three more to go.

- I really need sleep, this lack of sleep is horrible. Since I find it hard to sit for a whole hour studying, I end up staying all night to finish up everything. I sometimes look at the mirror and think 'my god I look scary with these puffy eyes and black lines'. Oh yeah and I find it hard to sleep in afternoons because I cant sleep when there is light in the room, and my sis likes to study in the room, so monster laly 'gloomy' here I come :P (I didn’t sleep, and I'm actually making fun of myself).

- I've passed one course and I'm really happy although I'm terrified to death and eager to know if I passed socio linguistics (curse you, you damn linguistics). Every time we go to the head of the English department and ask her if we passed she would say "your grades are not official and we are working on changing them". So we decided to go to Dr. Noorees and ask her ourselves and she said "well flanah u passed but I don’t remember you nor you" and I wasn’t the one she remembered  then she said "some of you failed the class". LOOK OLD LADY WE WANT TO GRADUATE (I'm pissed off).

- We had a small graduation party at our department, it was fun. I didn’t cry that much because I promised myself that I'm going to be strong no matter what. But when I saw noni and amona cry I couldn’t stop myself.

- I've became real close to many of the girls and it really breaks my heart that I wont be seeing them on a daily bases. Yesterday (well actually it was more of 2:20 am) I started crying. I had my note book and I was studying some of the points and I saw this chit chat that my friend and I were having, you know the part when you really get bored in the class and you lose interest, well we started writing and writing and writing. When I read the things we wrote I couldn’t stop my tears. It was freaky everybody is sleeping and I'm alone in the living room crying :S

- I sometimes tell myself that I'm not a scary cat in order to over come my fear of bugs and it kind of worked. We had this big roach in the house and our superhero (my mom) was not home nor my dad. My sisters started screaming and I throw a slipper at it, it did not die but it was unconscious, then my bro came and got rid of it. I can BRAG about this cause I don’t get to do that much. I forgot to brag about it today in front of my friends :'(

- I gained weight  because my dad feels sorry for us, and he brings all these chocolates, ice-cream, cookies and other stuff that are bad for our health just to make us feel better. (Thank you daddy I LOVE you *hugs*) and mom ROCKS *hugs*.

- I can't wait for the summer holiday (bwahahaha) although we might stay here but who cares I'll keep my spirits up.

- We are out of vanilla coffee mate and the ordinary one, and I really don’t want to have the one with the hazel nut flavor (bel5).

- let me see do I have anything else to say? Yeah, never study and your mobile is at your side or you will end up doing this:

Chatter 3

2007-05-20T17:00:00.000+03:00

- I really need me time. I know that I create my "me time" but when I do I watch Gray's Anatomy (I hate blood) I'm watching season 2 now, I've got season three but not all of it, I've only 19 episodes. It's fun and disgusting at the same time especially when it comes to the surgery part.

- I must finish my poetry and syntax projects. I must work on they socio thing she assigned for me and TRY to memorize all my part in our play.

- I've got lots of weddings to attend this summer, and most of them are relatives, which means lots of dresses.

- My face is pale, everyone thinks I'm on a diet. I just hate it when people say "laly you should eat, why do you want to lose weight?". Come on I know I'm not fat and I'm not on a diet, its just I eat less or don't feel like eating. It's because I'm scared, I'm afraid of failing (Allah la y8oolaha) but honestly when Dr. Noorees said to the class "if you don’t do well on your exam you'll fail…………. I'm not threatening you *evil smile*" I got scared and started to have these thoughts. Honestly I can't sleep well because I'm thinking all night of "what if I fail socio linguistics". I hate linguistic courses, I usually study them crying because they are hard to understand (I hate memorizing and I find it rather hard to memorize).

- We are preparing for this graduating party in the summer vacation (the cup is half full). We were 10 girls and the number decreased into 4. Why cant people keep their word? They promise and then they retreat suddenly. Yesterday my best friend did not have the courage to call, so she sent me a message saying (translated) "I can't participate and be part of the graduation party because I have a wedding on the same day". I called her and she did not answer and then she called back after ten minutes. I told her that you're only going to graduate once in your life, but I think that she did not want to listen and kept on saying sorry and it's her cousins wedding. Yeah I understand, but she's my best friend and I really want her to be there.

- I don’t have much to say except for my finals starting on the second of June and end on the 16th of June (yarab twafe8 al jamee3).

Amore, Felicità e Pace

...

Unexpected pain II

Unexpected Pain I

Just saying

With determination I can do it!

2

What Could Have Been

1

silent screams

feeling productive

Pedophilism halal

Chatter *insert number coz I lost count*

Bold if true

Female Loophole

You can always find me here:

Change

update?

Title: *blank*

bits and pieces

The Show Must Go On

Gay Colors

We Are Three!

Dusty place

Chatter 11

I’m back and this time for real

An Update

It starts again

I Need Colors

I HATE

I'M BACK

50 facts about me

Happy Eid Everyone

Happy 23rd Birthday to ME

But...

BUSY

Happy Anniversary

Chatter 10

HAPPY EID

Current Addiction

Chatter 9

Chaos is in town

Ramadan Kareem

Choice

I'm Back

On vacation

2 tags :D

Help needed

Tagged

Two Years

I see the light

Weird food habits

Chatter 7

What made you think you'd have it your way?

Be HONEST

FUN TAG.

Talk about fashion

Picture of the month

Self Tag

Job Status:

This Is Life

Graduation Ceremony

A Three Year Old Boy Dispelled From School

انا لله وانا اليه راجعون

Sleepy Heads

Sparkles

Homework

Will you marry me?

Tears Like The Pouring Rain

I turend out to be a chatter box :P

Hovering Shadows

Chatter 7

Flanah: Marry me Flanah

طقوس المذاكره

Wrapped in her blanket.

Happy Eid :D

Chatter 6

Happy Birthday To Moi

Women and Chocolate <3

And suddenly she bursts into tears

Chatter insert number coz I lost count

Title: blank